I wanna get this for Megan!!

Fair Isle Sweater Coat by Gap
isnt this just lovely?!
but it's too soon to be ordering outercoats..
she'll be 15months then...
(that's 11 months to go!)
but.. i can buy size 12-18 mths right? :P


did i mention it's on sale ;)



Megan needs a jacket like this too..
this gal is so adorable.. i just have to snap a pic of her (in Venice)
gonna ask Rachel if she can knit a beanie like this for Megan
she is knitting a beret for her now!

half done, it's the sweetest thing ever!
lovingly knitted.. stitch by stitch.. pearl by pearl by her aunty.
Megan has such a doting Aunty :)

the gang came to play!

Zack just sent Marky, Fu and Des home.
they came over for dinner and shisha :)
was supposed to meet them at taokee for dinner
but cos Megan has to be in bed by 8pm, they hang out at our home.
dun wanna mess up her bedtime schedule..
the past week had a few disruptions and it got abit out of whack.

and i gotta GOOD massage!
many many thanks to Marky :D
carrying a 7kg sumo all day everyday took its toll!

the Godpas managed to spend some time with their God-daughter. I'm surprised they are so taken in with her :) You know.. usually guys are more clueless about babies :P Marky asked after her almost everytime we chat online and always ask for pics of her. Fu took a nice shot of Megan and i! Will scan and post it. I guess as a parent... anyone who dotes on your child is an awesome friend :)

it's 5mins to 2am.
Megan should be up soon for her night feed.

TODAY.......

Megan spent afternoon at Grand's. Zack said he wanted to spend some time alone with me... awww.... so sweet :) so we did some part towing :)

:: nice jap lunch
:: shopping! - i bought 3 tops, 2 necklaces
:: short nap in the afternoon
:: went to library and borrowed 4 travel guide books!


i'm actually pretty beat now.
should i go to bed?
or wait for Megan to wake?

no time no time......

i've been on ebay buying stuff!
not for myself but my darling sis..
got her a Coach wristlet for Christmas :)
and a Coach Hampton for her from her hubby..
so fun to buy stuff using someone else's dough ;)
wait a minute... seems like i've been buying presents for others... and nothing for myself! hmmm.....

and and.....

busy doing up a draft itinerary for a GOOOOD trip next year!
going to book the tickets soon so have to make sure on the dates.
how long in each cities???!!

aaahhhh.. the dilemma......

this trip is Zack's 30th bday present :)
and he LOVES it.
he'd better!
now tell me.... why do i dote on him so much???
ah yes.. cos he bought me haagan daz yesterday! :P

ok gotta go do more research before my princess wakes!

shopping list:

- toilet rolls
- sofix laminate detergent
- laundry detergent
- a loaf of bread
- peanut butter
- guava
- eggs

Hitting the sack now.
it's been a long day..
and my left arm is aching from carrying Megan..
our little sumo is 7kg now!!!
my sister spent the day with us today
it was heartwarming :)
Zack went fishing with uncle Freddy..
finally after 4 months!
encouraged him to go fish but he always ended up staying home with Megan and i
he really is a terrific daddy and hubby :)

Yesterday i had a 2-hr nap in the afternoon.
hadnt had this luxury in months!
Zack said he'd feed Megan so i went to the room and promptly dropped dead on the bed. Thought he'd come wake me, instead he switched on the fan, drew the blinds and set the alarm for a 2-hr nap for me :) I intended to just nap for 30mins. That 2 hrs did wonders :)

Tomorrow is Monday.
and no monday blues for me!!!
but i got my days full with Megan.. haha.
i gotta go sleep and gear up for tomorrow.
probably 3 hours to her next feed.
Zack is working tonight so i gotta do the night feed..
*yawns*

nitesssss....

J: Do you miss my pre-pregnancy figure?
Z: Noo.
J: Why not? it's so much nicer...
Z: I love the woman, not the figure.
J: *awwww* :)

no expectations.. no disappointments

Statement: People are selfish beings.
it's an innate flaw.

Today i caught 'The Beach' on tv..
and a particular part of the movie disturbed me.
it was when 3 guys were attacked by sharks.
2 died and 1 survived with part of his leg torn apart.
the surviving man was in great pain and moaning.
it was affecting everyone and they decided to put him in the jungle..
far away from everyone.
so they wouldnt be faced with his cries of pain..
and they can continue with their merry-making.
only 1 guy stayed with him to care for him.

It's appalling.

Can't help feeling disturbed and sad.
how selfish can men be.


I wonder should i ever be in need..
which of my friends will be there for me..
supporting me, comforting me.
even if it inconvenience them.
especially if it inconvenience them.

Since Megan was born, i discovered a set of people who unexpectedly were very supportive.

When i was feeling depressed and having some baby blues in the first 2 months, Ben & Val came by a few times to cheer me up, despite their heavy schedule.

My aunty had been coming to cook for me and teaching me how to care for Megan.

My cousins whom i had not been close to will drop me msgs to check on things and when Megan was sick, showed such great concern.

Fu who came to visit Megan the minute he heard she was hospitalised. Yy who msged to let me know she is there for me and Sy who checked that Megan is fine.

As what Ben said...
it's the little things that count.
a simple act of love, concern and thoughtfulness
that's all it takes.
and it goes a long way...

Friends...

you dun need alot of them.

just that handful who loves you.

that's enough.

(like choosing my favorite chocolate chip cookies at Subway instead of your macadamia cookies)

mummy's midnight surprise!

Just woke up to check on Megan and guess what i saw??
Megan sucking her thumb!
just her thumb, not the fist sucking she had been engaging..
not a good habit but she looks sooooooo cute!


Megan enjoying logan the lion.. blessed by Godpa Ben and Aunty Val :)


"Hi, my name is Megan... my mummy and daddy calls me pui pui.."


"arrgggghhh....tummy time is so not fun... let me lift my head for a second just to make mummy happy... then i'll start crying so she'll put me back on my back.."

...and it's time to resize our pockets!

Bought Zack a present! *grins*
Ordered on ebay and it arrived on Thursday! Very fast delivery.. just one thing - wrong item sent! :S Gotta send it back and it'll be 2-3 weeks before Zack can get his present... tsk tsk. Must wake my darling up later cos post office closes at 1.30pm.

We've been on a shopping spree of late. Bought tons for Megan!
Now that she has hit 3months.. it's time to retire some clothes, bring out new ones and buy some niceties. On thursday, Megan and mummy went shopping with daddy's credit card while he went for his haircut.. hehe. I havent told him yet! :P
Fox: 2 t-shirts, 1 bodysuit, 2 knit leggings
Kiddy Palace: 3 sets of pj, 1 disney footed onesie - best buy!

Price Tag:$12.90!!!
Original Price: $29.90

......and i'm still not done yet! So tempted to do some Gap online shopping now.. First Favorites on 20% now!
Baby's Hyperstore: A Bumbo seat!


ooooh check out this stroller! Aint it pretty?!



fit for a princess!
Price tag: $789

This can be Megan's travelling stroller. You should see the look on Zack's face when i told him that... hahaha! Of crse i wouldnt get this lah.. it's insanely priced. Money dont grow on tree okay. But so preeeeety right?? Zack liked another stroller.. more like a carriage. Very european. Price tag: $2000+! I have to admit it's totally gorgeous... Jeez, why are we looking at strollers?? Megan already got a Quinny! For what we paid for it, she'd better snuggle in there for the next 4 years!

Now i'm contemplating buying her this play/exercise gym. I wonder if it's worth the money but she really do need some entertainment and exercise to hone her motor skills. She hates tummy time so perhaps this will help.

Opps.. my little boss is up!

it's good to be home..... *exhausted*

2 days in the hospital.. cant begin to say how exhausting it is.

Megan on the other hand had been a great gal.. hardly fusses and naps during the day. (There was a 5month old baby who kept crying at night and didnt wanna sleep. His mum had to on the noise machine so he could. While my little gal slept like a log throughout.. :) ) She was tired cos her sleep kept getting interrupted. Every now and then got to be woken up to collect urine sample (it kept getting contaminated!!), blood test (it's heartbreaking:( ), take temps etc... She is perfectly normal, no fever.. and still very active. Though she seems bored. I was too. So it's i look at her, she look at me.. haha.

So on the last day, i brought her down for some shopping! Bought some toys from Mothercare and The First Few years. A flower mirror and a cloth book - she's gonna be a beauty with brains! Zack said i'm too corny.. hahaha! Hey she likes the book! She stares at it in fascination and fingers the pop-outs :)

We were discharged on Wed. FINALLY got a clean urine sample and culture test result showed bacteria so she was diagnosed with UTI :( It is not serious as it's only in the bladder and not kidney. But we still got to monitor til she is 1 year old to make sure her kidneys are okay. Doc said she would need to be on drip for antibiotics and had to stay a minimum 3 days. But bcos she hasnt had any fever since Monday night and she looks well, they gave her oral medication.. and we could go home! Hospital is just not conducive for recovery. She cant sleep well, it's too noisy.. curtains are drawn too early at 7am, lights off only at 10pm. Her sleep routine was getting out of whack. We just couldnt get a room in A class which really sucks.

All in all... i am glad she is fine. It's a mild infection and recovery is underway. I cant help wondering if i had done something wrong or if i havent done enough. If i had done more, would i be able to prevent this from happening. 3 months old and my poor baby fell sick.. *sigh* With all the viruses floating about, i know its inevitable that babies fall sick. But i was hoping she'll be sick-free for at least the first 6 months. Somehow i feel like i failed her...

Post from Wed: My poor baby had a fever :(

Megan and Mummy are at the hospital now..

Our little darling had a fever on monday afternoon.. so Zack and i rushed her to the hospital. I noticed she was a little moody that day, her smiles were harder to coax. Thought she felt warm and took her temp - 38degrees! I quickly woke Zack up and off we went to KKH. But she was ok and all cheery in her carseat. Sick still so happy.. haha. Even when the PD was checking her, she was still smiling at me! :) We felt better seeing that she wasnt in much discomfort. Fever dropped abit.

We were dismay to know that cos Megan is only slightly more than 3 months, it's better to admit her. Hospital policy is to admit babies 0-3months in cases of fever. And even more dismay to realise that all beds are taken up except B2 and C :S We are now on the waiting list for Deluxe, A and B1. Its not too uncomfortable but i dun want Megan to be treated by Housemen with little experience.

One incident was yesterday's episode with the catheter. Urine sample had to be collected to test for infection - suspected case of UTI. We did it 3 times and they were all contaminated! So last resort was to insert a catheter into the urethra to get the urine direct. The houseman was trying to insert and Megan was screaming her lungs out. I was horrified to see the housemen took the tube out with a little blood and said she wasn't sure which one is the correct hole! And asked a MO (Medical Officer) in to assist.. WTF!!!! She doesnt know which is the right hole?!! And she might be poking into the wrong hole all the time! And my poor baby was screaming away :( From all the discomfort, Megan peed and we managed to get good sample, no need for insertion! And our little darling was smart... peed all over that houseman!!! Good gal!

Sorry, my baby is no training ground for inexperienced doctors. We only want good docs to treat her. We should have gone to Gleneagles once we realised the higher classes are full.. *sigh* B2 wards are non-aircon and 6 bedded. Imagine the noise. Babies and toddlers crying into the night. By 7am the curtains had to be pull cos docs are doing the rounds. It was good that Megan is a sound sleeper.. she has been sleeping through the night. Mummy is the one who gets woken up every hour.. not to mention the 'bed' provided.. i can feel the metal bars under the cushion!

Thank God Zack had the foresight to buy medical insurance for Megan. It was just approved actually. Megan's medical bills are covered 100%, up to A class in private hospitals. I'm getting less impressed by KKH. Next time we might just go straight to Gleneagles. Wait a minute... no more next time!

We are now waiting for the senior doc to know if we'll be discharged today. Megan's fever had subsided since Monday night and she is all perfectly normal. Her usual self.. feeding well and smiling away :)

Butterfly kisses.....

"of all i've done wrong.. i must have done something right..."

It's meant to allow us to get more sleep but 8am found me awake, pumping and missing.... with only 6 hrs of sleep under my belt. Wonder if Megan's awake already? Is grandma and grandpa playing with her?

After dropping Megan off (she slept all the way w/out even a peep!), Zack, I & Pappe head off to taokee for a late dinner. Had my favourite hotplate venison and Zack had his crabs! No good movies to catch and Marky was too tired for shisha so we head off home. We were actually pretty beat but wanted to take the time-off for some activities.

It was so strange having dinner at taokee then heading home.. just like before. And not rushing to bed to get as much sleep possible for the next day's long drill. And just chatting and laughing out loud without worrying about waking Megan. But it was strange... i cant believe our old life is strange now! hahaha. Felt a pang when i went to Megan's room and she wasn't sound asleep in bed.

But i was glad Zack & I had some time for ourselves. Having a baby changes things.. the attention had shifted and it's so easy to let things slide. So it's imperative that we make the extra effort to keep the flame burning.. haha. More i-love-yous, more affection.. and yes, we are totally in love with Megan but we have to stop talking about her and just focus on us sometimes. I must bear that in mind cos i look at her pics even when Zack and i were out alone! hahaha. He gotta remind me that its 'our' time.. hehe. I have a hubby who needs and deserves my attention and affection too!

It makes me love him more when i see how much he loves Megan. Hey, i just realised it's like a circle! Everyone loves everyone and bcos of that, everyone loves everyone more! Okay.. i dunno wat i'm talking about :P

When Zack worked day shift (8am - 9pm), he dont get to see Megan at all. By the time he comes home, she'll be fast asleep. She'll only able to see Daddy at her 1-2am.. with sleepy eyes. So Zack had not spent any time with Megan for the past 2 days.. only getting sms updates and being jealous that he didnt catch her laughs (she started to laugh!!).. haha. He missed her so much that he insisted on carrying her all the way to grandma's last night :) I had to lug all the bags and Pappe (and i fell down! :( ) but i didnt mind. I've always love watching Zack carry Megan like she's crystal and looking tenderly at her. She looks so protected :) It brings to mind this song.....

Always get teary-eyed when i listen to this...


I love Megan so much and i want the world for her..
and i'm thankful she has a Daddy who loves her.
I dun have a Daddy who has the ability to sing this song to me..
but i'm happy Megan has one :)
She has a Daddy who'll teach her to ride a bicycle,
who will kiss her tears away when she has her first fall,
who will sneak candy behind mummy's back,
who will stand at the door and glare at any boy who dares come sniffing ard his little gal.
who will walk proudly down the aisle with her but with tears in his heart..

Gonna miss my little mac tonight :(

Grandma and Grandpa requested to have Megan over tonight.. whole night. While I dont mind the respite.. i know i'm gonna miss her tons :( Though i wonder why they want her for the night and not day, she'll be sleeping all the way. Megan now sleeps for 14 hours! 8pm - 10am.. with 2 feeds in between. One at about 1-2am and another at 6-7am. That's really great for a 3 month old baby... and it sure is easy on Zack and i :)

Godma and Rachel came over this afternoon! We had a wonderful time chatting and playing with Megan. Megan was all smiley and Mama heart melts.. haha. Godma says she smiles very easily.. and is a very smiling baby. A very tough one too. She said i didnt smile this easily when i was a baby... Guess she takes after Daddy (again!)

My little princess @ 3 months :)



Life is goooooood.....


...........very gooooooood!


i just so love her cheeks! *bite*

Okay.. Zack is on his way home!
gotta go get Megan's stuff ready..
more pics on the way!
i've been taking so many my hp is running out of space.. haha
there are some shots which i cant bear to delete: Zack& i, Pappe, my bday dinner at Jaan, my Omega, some Maldives shots.. and now Megan's. Arggghhhhh... like that how???

Chatting with Tong Tong now..
she's all alone in BKK :(
guess events got too much to handle and she needed a break from it all and escaped to BKK. No one knows where she is.. friends and family. I'm the only who knows. I really hope she's fine..


Sometimes all we want is a little peace and quiet.
a place where all we have is our thoughts.
but when we get there, we realise that sometimes even our thoughts get too much to bear.


Nothing happened, just feeling pensive..
fact is, i've been holed up alone with Megan for days...
with only Zack to talk to.. and of crse Megan who dun understand a word i say.. haha. Feeling bored!!!

9.15pm: Finally.......

..... down for the night.
both Megan and I.
Got her down for the night at 8pm and i managed to get chores done:
- ironed Zack's uniform, he's working tonight
- see Zack off to work (oh it's a chore cos i dun enjoy it.. i rather he stay home!)
- washed the dishes
- boiled water for tomorrow
- cleaned up the kitchen

Dining table is still messy but i'm too tired, shall leave it to tomorrow. Been up and about since 8am and it's 12hrs of non-stop action.. seriously! I've never felt this tired in my entire life and i'm amazed i've not fallen ill once! No joke i tell you... When night falls, i morph into this grouchy bitch, easily irritated. But i gotta wonderful and understanding hubby who understands that i'm just really worn out from the day. I get really grouchy when i'm very tired. Zack on the other hand is extremely good natured and tempered. (Not that i wanna boast k but it's true :P) When i get into a bitch rant.. he'd just hug me and say,"It's okay.. i understand... you're just tired." That effectively stop any rant and i morph again into a sweet wifey.. hahaha! But i also have to be mindful that he too has his plate full with work and our little bundle (though full of joy but also full of work)... so cannot rant too much! Appreciate the little things and let the unimportant slide.

SOooo now... finally some free time for myself! :D

My cafe is doing well.. earning lotsa money! My restaurant is on a stand-still now.. haha. I'm just getting the daily free ingredient and Zack is helping himself to them. And yesterday he got my restaurant to buy an arcade machine and gift it to his restaurant cos he ran outta money! So smart ah..

Our Restaurant Talk....
(Zack chasing me to go for dinner)
Z: Come let's go eat.. aren't you hungry?
J: Yes I am.. but i'm waiting for my french onion soup to be ready.

hahahaha... we got it bad.

Some shots of our little darling..
she is 12 weeks old already!
it's true.... at the end of the day, just a smile from her and the tiredness from the day just dissipates :)

(copy and paste from Megan's blog: http://ourlittlesweetbean.blogspot.com/)
Megan was in her rocker gazing peacefully at the toys dangling from above and i was sitting on the sofa just infront of her. I noticed that my breasts were full and made an exclamation to myself. I looked up and saw her looking at my breast and grinning away! She looked so happy to see it (food!) Hahahaha.... My greedy piggy!

And that was when i took the 3 shots above :)

(Marky always ask me for shots of Megan. This God-father is very taken in with his God-daughter.. haha. I direct him to her blog and he never seem to remember the url! tsk tsk... So yeah, Megan's shots/updates are posted there though some may be duplicates)

Pretty lashes! :)
I say she got my lashes.. and i dare anyone to say different! *fierce*

It's getting cold in here!

oooohhhh.... been awhile since i update here.

pretty busy with stuff and Megan and running a restaurant (make that 2) and a cafe.. hahahha! Ju is one busy busy woman!

Zack is back to work this week :(

He was off the previous week and enjoyed his company! He didnt even go fishing, though i told him he could.. stayed home with Megan and me the entire time *beams* We brought Megan out.. and also managed to enjoy some quality time to ourselves :)

Wed: Caught 'The Ugly Truth' at TM. It was totally hilarious and a must-see! Had a nice meal at Secret Recipes. The irish lamb stew.. oh the irish lamb stew~ reminds me of our KL trip :)

Fri: Brought Megan to the office and also to my previous office. I so miss Theresa, who is like a mother to me. Somehow it was like coming home, with all the familiar faces.. Evelyn, Sam, David, Stevie, Jenny etc.

Met the gals for dinner and drinks at Airport T3. Brought Megan along so Zack could get some peaceful sleep. Sy really surprised us! She was carrying Megan the entire time! We sure werent expecting this maternal side of her... didnt even know she enjoys babies.. hahaha :)

Sunday: Marky's birthday. BBQ at his house. Till now.. i'm still dreaming of his rib-eye steak! Pity we had to leave early. Was enjoying myself. Really miss those days where we'd hang out at his basement on weekends and head off for supper. Oh did i mention Marky FINALLY got hitched?!!! Her name is Christina and i really like her! :) Happy for him and he'd better treat her well.

Cant remember which day it was when we had dinner with Chris and Ellyne at Ikea. That's another lovely couple :) They were helping us push Megan (in her stroller) around Ikea and Zack & i get to hold hands! See how deprived we are... haha. Chris and Ellyne just selected a unit at Punggol Residences - same as Ching!!! Whoa... we are all gonna be neighbours :) Only wish we'd still be in Punggol when they move over. Zack and i have plans to move if opportunity is good.

Okay.. gtg do some reading before Megan is up.
my time evolves around her now.. haha.
more photos when i've more time to post.. right now i'm uploading them to facebook.

rainy sat today..
wishing i can laze in bed with my new NR book...

oh! airtickets are booked!!!
My darling is planning this trip.. haha. Let's see if he does it as good as moi ;)

*gasps*

Evelyn just said Megan is starting to resemble me!!!
She is my BFF now!!! :P

I'm so proud of myself...
what i have been up to:
Yesterday: Re-organised Megan's room.. It looks different now!

Today: Between Megan's naps and feeds, i've cooked lunch (a whole meal mind you), washed the dishes and utensils, mopped the floor, did the laundry... and it's only past 4pm :)

Jeez.. being a homemaker sure aint easy! Hours fly by and i just dunno what i'd been busy with. When Megan is up, i'd usually play with her (she is so fun to play with now! all those gummy toothless grins) or watch Travel & Living with her. Today we caught "1000 places to see before you die" and it was PARIS! As the hosts went from site to site.. Effiel.. Arc D'Triompe.. Notre Dame.. i was telling Megan that mummy and daddy went there for our honeymoon.. and one day will take her there :)

As it is.. we are bringing her for her 1st holiday soon! Though Zack likes to say Megan's 1st holiday is to the Maldives.. hahaha. When she was only a tiny little seedling :)

Now what i'm finding out: How to dress a 6 month old baby in a climate of 10 - 20 degrees celsius? Any help?

So yesterday Zack and i brought Megan out shopping - Compass Point, Ikea and Giant. She enjoys going out, especially loves car rides. It's so funny how she only cries at traffic lights. Once Daddy drives off, she stops.. hahaha.

Our priority totally changed. After a nice meal at Ikea (fish & chips!), Zack suggested going to the kids section. We intended to just grab a clock and poof. Now it's all about Megan :)

Oh look what's new in the store?!

a baby's high chair!
the seat is actually red.
the black and red suits our kitchen actually.. haha.

she looks so cute in it!!!
totally cant resist and bought it.. though it'll be months before Megan can sit in it!

Last visit to Ikea, Pappe got a new bed.
This visit, Megan got a new chair.
Now when am i gonna get my chair???

Last night.. my sister stayed over!
Zack was working night, Andrew (BIL) went overnight fishing..
so my sis decided to stay over and play with Megan.
told her Megan is always very cheery in the morning after her morning feed.. she'll be smiling and playing with her mobile.. so cute! (She smiles when i play and talk with her, she smiles when i turn on her mobile and can stare at the rotating pooh, tigger, eyeore and piglet for quite awhile!)



It sure was nice having her around. To chat with and share Megan with :)
She was up waiting for Megan to wake for her night feed but our little darling only woke up at 3.30am. Meanwhile she played Restaurant City on facebook and guess who was online? Zack. Supposed to work, still can play game! Aiyoooooh! I was able to sleep soundly knowing she was around to keep an eye. Megan has a very doting auntie and is gonna be spoilt rotten!

Hmmm.....
it's already 11.15pm and Megan is still asleep.
her last feed was at 6.30pm!
think i'll bring her to my room and sleep with her tonight :)
i probably wouldnt sleep much cos she makes so much noise in her sleep. My sis was complaining that she got cheated by Megan so many times last night.. hahaha. Thought she's gonna wake but that's our dear gal mumbling in her sleep :)

If someone had told me 5 years before that my day will start when the sun is young and i'll hit the sack way before midnight - on a non-working day, i'd tell them they're nuts.

By 8.30am these days, i'd most likely have fed my Megan, clothes in the washer, bottles all sterilized, water boiled, fresh water (with dental liquid) for Pap, kitchen wiped down, taken my vits, essence of chicken and starting to clean the floor. Trying to get all necessities done before my little boss wakes or starts to fuss from her rocker. I let her watch Travel & Living.. haha.

Gosh.. HUGE change for a nocturnal like me who wakes at 2pm, sleeps at 4am and housechoring is a once-a-week thing. Staying in bed all afternoon with a book, surfing the net all night.. and painting the town red the hours in between.

I still look back with a pang, knowing that i'd never go back to that again.. ever. I always seem to take longer getting adjusted to new roles. Letting go of the old will take awhile..

At times i feel so tired.. so drained. Thinking of what needs to be settled soon. I'm not happy. At times i feel elated.. which only happens when i look at my sweet darling (when she's not wailing her lungs out). Feel sad that my time with her is running out.

Right now.. i dunno how my days will start and how it'll end. Everyday is like an emotional roller ride.

Can i get off now?

separation anxiety... i miss my mac..

We left Megan at Zack's parents for the day so we could get some rest. I havent slept much the past 2 days and i've still 1 more night to go cos Zack is on 3 nights shift. She had been a handful the past few days. While i'm relieved for the break (my back is breaking!) i can't help missing her. Felt like a bad mother for abandoning Megan :(

Just woke up from an uninterrupted sleep and guess what? I still couldnt sleep! Thought i heard her cry and woke up.

Gonna go pick her up at 5.30pm. Hope Megan's been good grandpa grandma's house.

My Darling Hubby bought me my favourite snacks....

.....cos i had a tough day with our LM :)
that's to cheer me up and they are all mine! dun need to share! :P

he's the sweetest!!!
muaks! love you many many!

gosh.. Zack is really good at Restaurant City.
he rearranged my layout and it's doing better!
i'm reaching level 8... wooohoooo!
cant believe he's so addicted to this game.. hahaha

10mins and i'm heading to bed..
Megan has knocked out and hopefully stays down for another 2 hrs.
She was an angel last night..
slept for 5hrs between her 2 night feeds!
Zack only had to wake to do the 3am feed while i did the 8am feed.
though i woke at 5.45am to pump cos my breasts were engorged.
SLEEP..... i shall never take you for granted.. ever!

Our current addiction.....

......Restaurant City on Facebook!

Zack is playing my restaurant, his and Megan's!
yeah he finally set up an account but solely for this game.. haha.
we are trading ingredients among ourselves.. hehe.
gosh.. its 7.15pm and we are still playing!
supposed to be going to compass point.
Megan is clean, fed and snoozing in my arm :)
i'm gonna sleep all night tonight!!!
Zack is on night duty :P

Life is a blast...

Megan is asleep in her rocker.. *sigh of relief*
she was a total monster yesterday!
only slept a total of 1 hr 20mins the entire day..
the rest of the time she was incredibly fussy.
i did EVERYTHING to coax her..
the minute she was alone, her tirade starts.. *sigh*
come 8.30pm, i begged Zack to come home cos i was going bonkers.
he took over when he came home and i completely knocked out.
looks like week 8 is turning out to be a tough one.
week 7 was paradise.
week 6 was a nightmare.. complete with Pappe being hospitalised.

My Nightmare...
i went through hell that week.

Pappe was all perky running around when suddenly she (tongue) turned blue.

it was fortunate i picked it up immediately and we rushed her to the clinic.

and also thank God that my auntie was here so she looked after Megan. Took blood tests and she was given oxygen. Vet at the clinic said we had to send her to the hospital cos they do not have the equipment. So we sent her to Mt Pleasant after 30mins of oxygen - she looked pink again. Did X-rays and found out she got a grade 5 heart murmur - grade 6 being the worst, and had to be hospitalised for 1 night. She recovered really well and could go home the next day. We monitored her for 3 days and sent her back to the clinic for a follow up. And guess what? Her heart murmur dropped to 2! The vet said it is very strange and is rare. It's a good sign but she still gotta be on medication for life.

I cant begin to say how i feel.

Pappe is so essential to me.. she's been with me for the past 10 years. Bought her after mummy passed away and has been my constant comfort. She's been through so much with me (though Zack likes to say she doesnt have a choice).. we've moved to so many houses. I used to bring her everywhere with me.. orchard shopping, library, school.. i'd pack her in a bag and off we go striding in the world. What happened recently forced me to face the reality that we do not have another 10 years. She is aging and will one day leave me. I cant cant imagine life without her. I really dunno what i'd do if she leaves.. i'll die.. seriously. I tried to give her the best. Premium food and healthy diet. Even bought Chile to keep her company. I didnt wanna get a car so soon but Zack said we can bring the dogs out - he is smart, knows which buttons to push. After we gave Chile away and Megan is out, i showered more attention on her. Then her heart condition surfaced. I'm keeping an eye on her constantly - even at night! With Megan needing constant attention.. it's no mean feat. Pappe always has been a fussy eater and she has lost alota weight. Now i'm coaxing her to eat when she is being picky.. *sigh* I think she is getting irritated cos i call her every now and then to check on her and her tongue.. haha. What i'm telling everyone.. i got one who eats constantly, and one who refuses to eat.. *sigh* life is such joy.

In anycase, i'm so thankful for Zack.

who had been so supportive and is such a wonderful father and hubby. Despite pulling in the shifts, he still helps with the night feedings some nights so i could sleep. Though he dont understand why i'm so worried over Pappe (dun think anyone does) but he was there for me. That night when Pappe was hospitalised, Zack was working night shift. He came home at midnight for me cos i was so distraught. This act of love i will never forget.

He said we deserve a break and we're going on a holiday in dec!
so that's something to look forward to :)

a mini date with my darling dearest!

its past 9 and my little Megan is sound asleep nex to me..
pappe was lying next to us (dun let the grandmas noe)..
read her the story of Noah after her feed..
as i cuddle her in my arms and she doze sleepily..
i cant help this surge of love and i just tear - hormones still out of whack.
gosh i love this little one so much.. and guess what?
she's mine! :)

Zack and i managed to grab some time to ourselves this afternoon!
PIL babysat for us while we catch a flick at TM :)
it's been too long!
my darling hubby treated me to Fish&Co..
that's for being the best wife and mum.. awww... *blush*
i love you too baby!

he's at work now..
somehow i'm missing him tonight..

hoping Megan will sleep long hours tongiht.
she slept from 8pm - 1.30am last night.
Zack and i both knocked out and we managed to get 5.5hrs of sleep!
thats really a recording breaking 5.5 hrs for me!
sleep really does wonders to my disposition... seriously.

gonna do some chores then hit the sack..
megan dear.. pleeeease sleep til past midnight again...

why do i feel depressed most mornings?
tapped out..
zapped out..
sometimes i feel like i've nothing more to give..
so how's a lil care?
so how's a lil concern?
i have nothing more to give..
i'm tired.. in every sense

why do i feel at this dusk of dawn..
that i'd never be the one..
all i am is an instrument..
you have loyalty but not to me..
never to me..
cos i'm never the one..

oh what have i done?
what have i done to myself?
i had it going good..

what have i done?

i'm terrified.

9/9/9 - anything special happened on this day?

Megan smiled at me when i talked to her!
she's been smiling quite abit recently.. especially after her feeds.
today is the first time she breaks into a grin when i came round to her cot :)

she's now asleep in her sling :)


i'm contemplating bringing her and pappe down for a walk... hmmm....
maybe at 7 when it's cooler..

Today is the 7th.....

.....and our little darling is 7 weeks old!



and we're going to Ikea!
gonna buy Pappe a new bed and some toys.
(note to self: buy stuffed elephant for Sy too)

in a saturday...

my darling hubby waiting while i had my haircut.. muaks! :)
(he even fed and changed Megan's diaper ;))

ohhhh... what's that he's carrying??


*gasps* it looks like......


......a snoozing chubby tubby!

Our little darling's full month celebration

A card that goes with the little giftbag for our guests.

*more pics up soon*

My shame that i didnt take any shots that day :(
these are a few taken by Ellyne.

Chris proposed to Ellyne that day!

He put the ring on a chain and Megan wore it. I got Ellyne to carry Megan while i put on a video the guys did the day before. Footage of the video will be P&C unless approved by the producers. After the vid, he came into the room, got down on a knee and proposed to her! (Of crse it's way more romantic when how i've written here)

Our lovely friends who came.. bearing gifts and coos for our little princess :)


they're awesome! They had came by to see Megan a few times already :)
my only regret was not inviting Theresa, Evelyn, Kel, Evon and a few others from Willis instead. Couldnt invite many cos Zack did a mass invitation and i was afraid we couldnt handle the crowd so i had to limit who i invite.


Ellyne also took a few gorgeous shots of Pappe!




isn't she gorgeous?
my baby...
i love her too much!
did i mention how excited she was when Megan came home?
and how protective and sticky she was when i was expecting Megan?
she would even follow me to the toilet and sit next to the toilet bowl!
many commented on what a lovely dog she is..
Hui Ching's Leon and Renee's Collin both sang her praises.
said they would wanna get a dog like her if they've the chance :)

her birthday is coming up soon.. next month!

my world just turned dark...

of all curveballs thrown at me, this is the worse.
cant speak of it cos once i start, i cant stop crying.
Zack went to work on sat night but came home at midnight.
a part of me wanted to tell him not to, i'll be ok
but i decided to be selfish cos i needed him badly then.

i wish my sis will be home soon..
perhaps she is the only one who can comprehend.

The day where Zack, Ju & little Megan went speed shopping!

After taking Megan for her hep B vaccination.. we dropped by Compass Point where we parked and did some speed shopping! :)

Had tea at Yakun.. gosh i missed the kopi peng! Had a cup and the totally sinful butter/kaya toast. We then hit the shops! Focus. Focus. No loitering. Zack too managed to get his stuff :P

Ju's buys:
~ Mum Elsie's birthday present
~ Megan's special present - the prettiest bible story book!
~ A precious moment storage box for Megan's stuff
~ A precious moment file for Megan's documents

Zack's buys:
~ Slippers
~ Berms

*grins*

We are feeling more confident taking Megan out.. though it takes plenty of planning and preparation. Today's trip was great - we got our buys, Megan was fuss-free (almost).. until towards her feeding time. And i love how we worked together, taking turns to tend to her :) Marriage, parenthood.. is really about good teamwork. And now we are feeding each other when she's fussy during our meal! hahaha..

Again i breastfed her a little in the car on our way home. And she fell asleep. There is just something inexplicably heart-warming having your baby feed from you then doze soundly in your arms :)

Finally found Megan's special present!

it's so perfect!!! *beams*
I'm gonna read her bible stories during her bedtime routine.
Zack laughed and said she wouldnt understand.. hehe
doesnt matter.. she can feel it in her heart :)

i wanna sleep.....

Gonna take Megan for her vaccination, we gotta leave soon but that princess is still sleeping. Hate to wake her up when she's sleeping so soundly. I wanna sleep too... Not gonna be sleeping much tonight cos Zack is working tonight *sobs* My darling hubby had been taking the graveyard shift so i could sleep *muaks* :)

Update from India: Godma and Rachel are leaving Delhi for Udaipur! Dubbed the venice of the east. Ahhh... Venice, i miss it so much! I miss our honeymoon so much.. Zack said we gotta get Megan's passport done so we can take her for hols :) Hope they will update me soon on how Udaipur is like.. i'm living vicariously through them!

Godma and Rachel are holidaying in India now!
we sent them off at the airport last night..
reckon airport is near home and T3 is still relatively quiet.
also a chance to get out and for grandma to see little darling..

godma and rachel were so excited to see her :)

they simply cant get enough of her.. haha

Megan was a good gal!
we fed her at home and she was all quiet and drowsy..
but she started to fuss just when we were dining at Popeyes..
her mealtime - so i breastfed her a little in the car on our way home and she dozed off :)

my sis just msged me, telling me they had gone to the tombs, fortress etc... and as expected, was asking after her little darling.. haha.

*sigh*

somehow i'm missing them...

as i swell with pride...

Yesterday was our 1st family outing, albeit a short one :)
Chris and Ellyne treated us to lunch..
Megan was a good gal - as long as she was in my arms *shake head* :)
Des bought some lovely headbands for Megan..
i tot they were so cute!
Zack said i'm gonna scar her by putting one on her.. hahaha

Mummy took care of Megan all by herself today..
and we survived!
Since CL left, someone will drop by to check on us..
my dear sis took leave last week to help out..
i was looking forward to seeing her everyday,
she sure livened things up..
and mum Elsie came by last night with food..
we chit chatted from 6 - 10pm
she told me to call her if i ever feel lonely when Zack's at work
i sure gotta lovely mother-in-law :)
i'm surprised at who came thru for me
the ones i expected didnt,
the ones i didnt expect, were there to support.
but i am careful not to be dependent on anyone.
funny how i'm looking forward to company these days..
i've always been very independent.

Zack's been very busy with work - audit is today.
hoping things will go back to normal soon..
and he'd be home more..

exhausted but cant sleep...

cant get this song outta my head..
song on repeat: You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson

home alone..

Zack is working tonight :(
so i'm home alone with Megan tonight!
it's been an hour past her feeding time.
she should be up anytime now.
but she is still soundly asleep :)
that's right sweetheart, sleep more.. sleep is good..

Tonight Zack cooked dinner before going off to work.
he even steamed fish with herbs and cooked eggs with DOM..
the way CL used to cook.
whoa.. my darling know how to cook confinement food!
so clever! *muaks* :)


gosh it's 2am now.
and Megan is asleep now..
i'd better catch some winks before she is up again..

all in a day's work...

6.28pm
I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a go for 2 days.
sitting here with Megan asleep in my arm - FINALLY!
she's been awake all day and really cranky at times.
thankfully my dear sis came by today to help out,
(she changed her 1st diaper!)
boiled me herbal soup and helped around the house.
and i managed to steal 1 hour of sleep and take a warm bath to feel human
i'm NOT taking night duty tonight.
i seriously NEED sleep.
gosh and i'm starving...

9.35pm
little darling finally went into deep sleep after her 7pm feed.
i just managed to wash her up, change her into her pjs and diaper
without rousing her.
we passed the 'witching hours' in peace and quiet!

:)

18 August

You left me 10 years ago on this very day..
when i let go of your hand so you could leave in peace..
funny how i can easily go back and replay every minute of it..
i've been thinking alot of you these past few months..
since i have a little life growing inside me..
i thought of how you gave me life, a warm home and unconditional love..
i will be happy if i can be half the mother you were to me..

i wish so much til this very day that you are here with me..
at times i feel so lost and insecure..
what am i to do with a precious baby?
how am i gonna do things right by her?
i wish you are here to teach me how to be the great mum you were..

as i sit here allowing those emotions to bubble, the pain is still as acute..
when i think of how happy you will be that your little gal is a mother now..
and what a wonderful grandma you will be to Megan..
i wish you can see how perfect your grand daughter is..
she has your dimple..
the one you passed on to me..

june saw me on sat and was astonished how much i'm looking like you..
jie told me her eyes went red as they talked about you..
we all miss you so much..


and tonight i cant help asking God... why must He take you away from me?

the CL is leaving tomorrow!

and i'm so looking forward to taking care of Megan on my own :D
alright, sleepless nights are part of the deal and i'm not too psych on that part
check back on me a month later and see if i'd gone bald.. haha
i really hope i'd do a good job.. *nervous*

Zack's really cute..

he's been paranoid about CL stealing our precious in the dead of the night that he had instructed me to keep the housekeys with me.. reminded me like a hundred and seven times lor.. haha. (he's working tonight) He even took a picture of her so we have some form of identification should she make a run. Valid precaution cos she's malaysian and once across the border, we couldnt track her down. Gosh what's with me too... i'm just as paranoid! But we have too much at stake.. Megan is TOO important!

just went in to check on Megan.
my heart just swell by watching her sleep :)
she's so small and perfect..
i'm so addicted to her sweet baby scent

alrighty enough gushing.. i can go on all day.
i'd better hit the sack now.
i reckon tonight is the last night i'd sleep for more than 4 hours


nitess~

note: i must remember i got a big baby to sayang too.. must not neglect him! Love you many many darling! Muaks :)

Megan's full month celebration....

.......and i didnt take a single shot!!!
how could that happened?!!!

Fact is, it was an exceedingly stressful day. And the star was miserable :( Too many people, too much noise, my poor gal was overstimulated and couldnt handle it. She kept crying, and some idiots said she is hungry and fed her more than what she could handle, then she vomitted. She only managed to settle down at 9plus. By then, bulk of the guests had left and some didnt even get to look at our princess.

Megan was miserable and so was i. I couldnt stand her crying so much and all the well-meaning advice thrown at me at the same time on loud decibels were stretching my nerves too thinly. And i especially hate it when i was soothing my baby in my arms, some people will just grab her away from me and pass her on to more experienced arms. I may be inexperienced but i'm her mother. She's MY baby and no one has the right to take her away! I was having a hard time holding it all in.. seriously.

Seems like in almost every event we throw, i am bound to face some form of disappointment. Our wedding.. now Megan's full month celebration. I shant go into it cos i'm quite drained now. However i should count my blessings and thank the lovely friends who made the time to come celebrate with us :)

One big highlight: Hui Ching came to visit!!

Gosh we've not seen her in years and i was so happy to see her! :) Zack even reminded me to invite her.. haha. She came with Leon and i have to say i really like him. It's just this vibe a person gives you. I see how he makes her laugh and i'm sure he'll make her one happy gal :) oh she bought Megan the cutest Nike crib shoes :) Pity we didnt get much chance to catch up.

Many came bearing gifts and angpows.. and our doors only closed at 1.30am! We had a late celebration with our friends.. gosh, the list is getting longer with their significant others ;) Chris & Ellyne (they got engaged! congrats!!), Mark & Christina (our latest shiny new couple), Renee & Collin, Des and Fu.

Maybe this is a celebration for the proud daddy cos he seems to be the only one who enjoyed himself.. haha. Megan and mummy on the other hand had a rough night.

Okay, no mood to continue. Perhaps I will do a proper one and post it on Megan's blog. I so have to post a pic of the cute little favors we ordered for our guests.

*moody*
so stay away..

Chris just went off, came over to do a little filming..

he is gonna to propose to Ellyne tomorrow during Megan's full month celebration!!! This is so exciting!!!

We are gonna put the ring around Megan's neck and get Ellyne to carry her. Just pray hard that Megan will cooperate and not be in one of her famous wailing bout.. hehe. (I tell you that girl has mighty strong lungs! CL asked if i took alota nourishments during pregnancy.. haha) We hope it will be a memorable proposal for them both :)

Okay i better go tidy a room while Megan is quietly playing by herself.

Tata~

the only thing my little darling got from me - her sweet dimple!

Zack had laid claim on her brows, eyes, nose...
and the other day, he said she got his chin.
I was like, "Can you leave something for me?!!"

But that little sweet deep dimple.. he cant touch, it's mine! :P
(he actually got a dimple on his right cheek but it's faint.. haha)

she must be having really sweet dreams :)

this pic was taken 10mins ago.
she is finally sleeping!
and having sweet dreams too.. haha.
been fussy the whole afternoon.
this little princess ah...

oh did i mention how incredibly fussy she was last night while we were out? We came home to stories about how restless she was. CL carry, cry. Grandma carry, also cry. But she calmed down and slept once we came home.. and didnt wake til her next feeding! It was really quite amazing! CL said babies can sense their parents presence. Wow really?? :) Our sweet little baby.... :)

The day i turned twenty-eight

My breakfast: noodles for longevity and 2 eggs, i dunno what they represent. Zack only had 1.. haha.



Zack & i went out for dinner and a movie! Mum Elsie and Dad Lincoln came by at 6pm to babysit while my sis took the later shift at 8.. hehe. I was really looking forward to going out, the last time i went out was our last jaundice check and that was almost 2 weeks ago! However, i was surprised that i didnt quite enjoyed myself. I was thinking of Megan half the time we were out!! I missed her...

Caught G.I Joe.. it rawks!! And Channing Tatum was so hawt! Gosh.. i even missed watching movies with Megan. She doesnt like loud noises and squirms about. Okay enough about Megan, back to the movie. Anyway, it's a must-see flick. The effects were astounding!

Dinner at Marche
and it was a teary one (twas the hormones).... cos Zack surprised me with a birthday cake - a slice!! :)

Do you know this is the first birthday cake/slice he bought me in our 5 years together?? He doesnt get why i love birthday cakes.. haha. What is a bday without a bday cake right? See.. i'm happy with a slice even! I'm so easily contented.. hehe.

Ah yes, that's me 3 weeks after i gave birth. Still round around the edges *sigh* :( Hoping i'd lose the water and fats soon. But i'm happy i can wear my engagement ring and watch now!

something's coming up soon! :)

Ben & Val popped by for a visit on Wed :) Godpa cant wait to see his god-daughter again.. haha.. and also to come cheer me up with gossips and bday presents! :) Gosh.. i think this is the 1st time in my life someone gave me a balloon.. those free give-aways dun count. I gotta deprived childhood.. haha. I also got some lovely earrings.. Val noticed i like big earrings and got me a couple of dangles :)

Last night, Des and Fu came by for a visit too. And Fu bought me my favourite jap biscuits! :D

I got awesome friends!
I sure am blessed :)

Zack said he knows what to get me for my bday.. whoa, i'm getting a present from him too?? :D After my mummy bag, i wasnt expecting anything. Told him not to spend too much this time. We have to be prudent now. I'm happy with a love letter or a bouquet of flowers.. more importantly, he gotta take me out!!!

Today is his off day but he gotta stand in for a trainer who is on medical leave for 1 week. So there goes one of his off days and he will be working day shifts this weekend :( But he took leave next week for my bday! *beams*

what's wrong with the world mama?

a series of disturbing news..

1) Ydae we heard news of how a SDA pastor was locked in his room and set on fire by his son. He died. And the son was Zack's primary school friend. Gosh... this is shocking and so unbelieveable. What does it take for someone to snap and set his own father on fire?? To be so consumed by hatred that he would commit such an act.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking+News/Singapore/Story/STIStory_413254.html

2) I read this several days back and it's still boggling ard in my head.. that's how disturbed i am! A mother decapitated and mutilated her 3 week old baby boy!!! She chewed off his toes and ate bits of his brain. A schizo and suffering from postnatal depression.. she said the devil made her do it. I'm speechless.. Being a new mother and having a 2 week old baby, i cant fathom how any mother can ever do it. It's YOUR baby! But things happen that just blow your mind off. I'm so incredibly sad by this. I look at Megan and i just feel this fierce pang of love and i know i'd just die should anything happen to her.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1202776/Pictured-The-mother-accused-stabbing-week-old-baby-boy-death-mutilating-corpse.html

a new life screamed her first breath while another breathed her last..

Zack's grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep on Sat night.

Our deepest regret is that Megan didnt get to meet her great-grandmother. We intended to take a family photo of the 4 generations but we are too late now.. *sigh* Life can really take unexpected turns.

He is at the wake now. I so wanna be there with him but i cant. But i'll be going to the creamation with him tomorrow morning. It's the least i can do as a grand-daughter-in-law and wife. I really wanna be there for him. My only worry is Megan.. *sigh*

Dear Lord, please keep Megan safe from any harm and danger. Place your hand of protection over her.. day and night. In Jesus Name i pray, Amen.

my little angel :)

sometimes it's just so surreal..
that this little angel came from me..
how is it possible that i be given such a precious gift?

Mummy and Megan gotta birthday cake!

Godma, Rachel & Xiu just went off.. and the gals came to visit too!
and guess what?
Megan and mummy got a birthday cake!!!
Lovely Sy specially went to Goodwood Park and bought us a DURIAN cake!!!!
isnt she awesome?? :)


:)


Ben, Val & Ant came over last sat. Like wat Ben said.. they had to barge their way in.. haha. I wasnt feeling up to visitors at that time but they sure cheered me up :)