The letter 'M'

maybe its the quarter life crisis... maybe i've reached that age.. or maybe its just events surrounding me that got me thinking.. the big M... Marriage...

the daunting word that makes some ppl shudder.. some ppl smile.. so how do i feel about it? i dunno. Kinda scary just thinking about it at times.. I dun believe in taking the easy way out (the big D) so marriage would mean a lifetime for me. But how do u know if this is the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with? the rest of your life.. thats like the next 50 years of my life (saying i live to a ripe age of 70+), living with this person, everyday.. for the next 50 years...

Seen marriages around me break down, marriage that doesnt seem like a marriage.. scares me to the bone sometimes.. Making a marriage work isnt as simple as taking the garbage out everyday. Marriage is not all about love, its about commitment, compromises, tolerance, patience.. a decision made and you jolly well stick by it. Cause wat happens when that hot, sizzling passion fizz out?

What happens if that marriage fails? then wat about the children? It just tears everything & everyone apart.. i used to think that in instances where a couple can just no longer live together, they shld just split & not hold on for reasons like children.. but now, i'm not sure..

Simon msged me, telling me he misses pappe loads... it tore me.. no, no leftover feelings... just sad that things have to be this way.. we agreed to an arrangement where every other weekend, the 2 gals, pappe & pixie will spend a day together with either of us. Gosh, this is so akin to parent visitations.. i suppose this is best for now, since i miss pixie & he misses pappe.. and they are dogs.. can u imagine if we are talking about children? children with feelings, emotions... it hit me hard.. sigh...

with growing up comes responsibilities, crossroads, life-changing decisions... dun wanna grow up...