Out the afternoons while Zack looked after our little angel.
Things happened this week that got me pretty upset.
Strangely they all revolved around the same issue.
Not 1, 2 but 3... in a span of 4 days.
Got me thinking and evaluating alot.
To understand why am i this upset.
Is it geography? Or your mindset? Or just people who are just plain fucked up?
I have this intense urge to strike back.
Never been able to take things lying especially when people i love is concern.
But i've been coaxed, persuaded...
Only when i related to a friend my lifestory 7 years back..
did i realised.....
I have come a long way. Experienced one of the world's greatest pain. Emotionally scarred. Fought with all my might those years.. for my mum, for my survival. Hated with a passion. I was spent... emotionally. But i survived. Now i'm proud to say i no longer hate him. Cos hating him gives him power over me. And that he no longer wields. Indifference is really the opposite of Love. Now, i really cannot care less. And i'm sorry for him.. really sorry for him. But love for him, is no longer mine to give. Even Zack sees that. Whatever i do, i do it out of duty. Cos thats how my mum brought me up to be. Not out of love. It's sad isn't it?
After dredging up my past.. i realised...
What this bitch said, was really peanuts to what i went through. And like my friends said, why bother with a retard? Bcos that is exactly what she is. An airhead without brains.
On a completely different issue...
Does Zack look like an ATM to anyone?
Why does ppl keep borrowing money from him??
It's getting quite irritating.
They know his pay day and the hp will ring a day before.
My ex-bf, Simon used to be one of those..
He borrows money to go clubbing!!! and i really despise him for it.
If you don't have the money, jolly well dont club.
For me, borrowing money from friends is something really degrading. I'd be totally humiliated to do so. It's different if you are shopping with your gf and short of $10.. so you borrow and return her the next day. I don't even borrow from my sis. And hardly asked my mum for money. She used to slip notes in my wallet cos she knows i'd rather eat bread then to ask her for money.
But yeah, Zack has friends like this. What's more, they drag payment.. tsk tsk. One even used his 'sick' mother as a excuse.. lies and lies.. We were royally pissed. Don't ppl have any pride?
Off the top of my head, he has 3 people owing him money at current. 1 of them has a debt that had dragged on for more than 1 year already. Zack is someone generous and sometimes i think ppl ard him take advantage of it. In a way, I'm happy that he is what he is. At least he is not one of those who borrows! As his wife, it's my job to make sure that he is not taken advantage of. He don't even realise it sometimes, he is simply too nice for his own good. But sometimes it's so tiring and frustrating having to look out for people around me.
Jeez, this is quite a depressing post.
more like a rant..
so apologies for it.
i'm frustrated.. by a couple of things.
today is just me and megan.. so it's a good day for me to be alone and regroup my feelings.
Sometimes i think i'm too much of a fighter cock.
and it's not a good thing.
I have a very strong sense of justice
and this intense need to make things right.
I cant walk away when something is not right.
when someone is being bullied..
when someone is being wrongly accused.
My mum was one of those.
She had been bullied and accused of theft by her evil MIL for years
her useless husband didnt stand up for her.
For years i was too young to do anything but watch and see how someone i love get bullied while no one did anything.
I couldnt do anything.
Children were meant to be seen, not heard in my house.
I finally did.
But only after she died, which was my regret.
I scolded and screamed at that evil woman infront of my mum's grave..
she had the gall to touch my mum's tombstone.
I chased her away and she didnt dare come back.
Justice. In front of my mum.
No one stopped me, no one dared. Not even my useless father.
Cos I did what no one else dared. All they ever did was talked and said how sorry they were for my mum, what a bad woman that witch is.
I did something.. for my mother.
Is it worth it? ...you might ask.
Just caught abit of 'Lakeview Terrace' and like this line, totally apt:
"I know it wouldnt solve anything, but i'd feel damn good about it!"
So there.
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