a frugal life.... is oh so tough

i just HAVE to drink my coffee this morning.
been trying to cut down lately.
woke up with a dark cloud hanging overhead.
then i remembered...
another top gone.
yeah fuck.
i've been fuming since last night.
i'm just so sick and tired and weary.
i'm starting to dread going home nowadays.
you dun want to see what i come home to everyday.
zack is probably her only salvation now.
fuck.
i'm so tired... i really am.
this is probably the biggest mistake of my life..
why God why? why me???

on a lighter note:
last evening i was at Vivo
and i tried on this pair of jeans at River Island
it fits me!
best part is.. it's 50% off!
well... it's erm.. $60 but it's still half the price!
spent a good 20mins in the fitting room.
admiring my rear view, side view and front view.. niceee..
came out and passed the other pairs to the RA (retail assistant - they sure have nice tees to go with their nice titles)
i grabbed this pair tight to my chest and walked out
and as i pretended to browse the numerous racks.
these tots kept swirling thru my head..
"no ju, u dun need another pair of jeans."
"but it's half price!"
"you're looking for a dark blue jeans.. not this shade"
"but i hardly can find one that fits me this well!"
"think about your honeymoon! Paris! $60 can do a nice meal"
"i'll eat bread for the next 2 weeks!"
"you still got your coat to buy and that's 300bucks gone and yr boots?" "my legs look slimmer in this pair.. they really do!"
"Honeymoon ju! HONEYMOON!"
"but... but... my ass does look perky....."
"3K goal and you're not even halfway there!"
"save the pennies and the pounds will grow"

i walked outta River Isle..
with empty hands
and a heavy heart.
felt a weak flicker of pride.
and a deep sense of longing.
gosh, this is..... agonizing.

and my legs led me to Swarovski.
i saw my earrings sitting prettily in the case
it's crystal laden hands beckoning to me.
again.. i walked away..
with a sigh.

*bite bottom lip*
ARRGGGHHHHH....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!