jeez, i had a winning streak and the profits were FAT
zack's eyes were popping at my ladyluck
then i lost them ALL in that last bet!
but its okay.. cos i got my money back! ahahaha
the long weekend just passed in a flash
how is that possible?!
i am never able to catch the CNY spirit
cos really, it doesnt really mean hoot to me
reunion dinner.. family togetherness
yeah yeah.. watever
sorry but i'm not a family family person
i'm jaded.. i'm cynical
CNY brings out the ugly depressed side of me somehow
so went out visiting as usual.. popped over to my aunty's. Went to the room where my cousins were holed up to do the usual greetings and had a mighty shock! It was swarming with kids of all ages and there were at least 10 and they were all my nieces and nephews. My oh my.. my cousins had been busy! Suddenly this wave of fear engulfed me. Dont get me wrong, i do like kids.. they look so cute and cuddly. Many a times, i feel like grabbing them and give them a squeeze but that many a times, i resisted. Cos i find it easier to walk alongside a growling dog than to coax a wailing kid. Crying children terrifies me! and i'm always fearful that the minute i approach one, he/she is gonna burst out in tears. That kinda got me thinking.. that perhaps i'm not cut out for motherhood. In the long forgotten past, i couldnt wait to have kids of my own but as the time draws near.. i get more terrified at the idea of becoming a mother. "what if i dun have the aptitude of a good mother?", "what if i'm not patient enough?", "what if i'm not loving enough?" The more i think about it, the more the hole in my belly swirls. Anyway, i got 2 years or so to psych myself.
so its back to work for now. Nothing to look forward to but....... A HOLIDAY IN MARCH!!!!!!! a short trip somewhere.. now its a toss between Bali and Ho Chi Minh City. Any suggestions? Tag Tag!
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