the past, the present, and the future

This topic had been bouncing ard in my head for awhile.. actually since our last gals night out last week. Twas only tonight when i actually summoned the energy to pen it out, and also bcos we finally got a nice comfy chair for our computer table, i can sit long hours infront of the com w/out getting a backache.. Yayyy! so anticipate a long writeup...

The last pieces fell into place.. though its the past and its garbage that had already been thrown away but it still galls me knowing what i knew.. the final pieces fit. I knew it all along but not the deets.. now the full picture gets thrown in my face once again.. the indecency of someone who used to be close to me. Actually.. bewilderment was the word. How can someone turned out this way? Perhaps he had always been this way but i just dun see it. But, how can i not see it?! To give credit when its due.. he was actually a good bf.. he treated me well but he just wasnt a good ex-bf. With reference to that fateful incident 2 over years ago (where he played both sides and ended up with nothing) and the recent saga, he turned out to be quite a jerk.. oh well *shrug*

My close friends told me.. "can u imagine if you ended up marrying him?!" and a close gf recently said to me.. "actually.. i didnt really like him.." and she cited incidents to point out why (valid ones at that).. yeah, and she told me that like after i've broken up with him eons ago and am now happily married.. hahahaaa.. my darling friends.. i love them tons but they exasperate me..

Looking back.. i wouldnt have done anything different. Every decision i made back then (yes, even those stupid 6 mths) led me to where i am today and i'm extremely happy with this snug fit. It suits me perfectly *smile*.. I attribute it to God's angels whispers of guidance.. and thank goodness i listened! Cos my darling friends only tell me after it happened! (ok ok.. i still love you ya! *muaks* haha) Then again, i was prob too blinded with love to heed their advice so i can understand their hesitations. But peeps.. if your friend out there is heading for disaster, please send out red hot warning flags.. its the least we could do.. the rest is up to him.. but at least we did our part.

It's heart wrenching to watch a dear friend make one of the gravest mistake of his life but what can you do but listen when he pours out his problems.. and you know there's nothing much anyone can do but pray. You feel like shaking him and say.. "why didnt you listen? why put yourself thru all these?" and you feel anger and disgust that he was made to go thru all that crap.. but really.. what can anyone do when everything's been said and done? of crse there are alternatives.. no mistake is irrevocable, it takes guts and courage to right any wrong.. to bite the bullet and cut your losses.. but sometimes, more often than not.. they refuse to believe they made a bad choice and hope against hope that things will get better. For their sake, you hope so too.

Contentment, or the lack of, is prob one of the major pitfalls in many r/s. I learnt this from zack, he makes alot of sense most of the time.. haha. You always want the BBD (bigger better deal), never contented with what you have. You're always looking for something / someone you perceived to be better and fail to see perhaps what's best for you is just right before you. There is no peace in you coz you are always looking for more. Sometimes you hit the jackpot but sometimes, you get something that looks pretty good on the outside but in actual fact, rotten inside. So when do you pull the stakes and enjoy the ride? I dunno.. hahaha.. Do everything at your own risk and prepare to bear the consequences. You only have 1 life, live it right and be decent!

Honestly, love aint everything. What leaves you when there's no longer spontanous combustion? A smart person in my opinion is one who makes decision with an eye for the future. It's gonna be a long journey ahead.. so its imperative to make the wise choice. Then again, you have to make sure you are the wise choice too.. i suppose it works both ways. So what's at the core of that person you wanna love with all your heart? For that, we go back to the bible.. the word of God (you can never go wrong).. "... the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self- control." (Galatians 5:22). But before we go looking for the perfect someone, perhaps its wiser to look inward and be that perfect person first. I'm learning and still have a long way to go.

Be it the past, the present or the future.. as what zack always says, "you must always have God in your heart".

if you're still with me and not nodding off infront of the com
kudos to you!
i'm in one of those moods again
so thanks for bearing with me