my world just turned dark...

of all curveballs thrown at me, this is the worse.
cant speak of it cos once i start, i cant stop crying.
Zack went to work on sat night but came home at midnight.
a part of me wanted to tell him not to, i'll be ok
but i decided to be selfish cos i needed him badly then.

i wish my sis will be home soon..
perhaps she is the only one who can comprehend.

The day where Zack, Ju & little Megan went speed shopping!

After taking Megan for her hep B vaccination.. we dropped by Compass Point where we parked and did some speed shopping! :)

Had tea at Yakun.. gosh i missed the kopi peng! Had a cup and the totally sinful butter/kaya toast. We then hit the shops! Focus. Focus. No loitering. Zack too managed to get his stuff :P

Ju's buys:
~ Mum Elsie's birthday present
~ Megan's special present - the prettiest bible story book!
~ A precious moment storage box for Megan's stuff
~ A precious moment file for Megan's documents

Zack's buys:
~ Slippers
~ Berms

*grins*

We are feeling more confident taking Megan out.. though it takes plenty of planning and preparation. Today's trip was great - we got our buys, Megan was fuss-free (almost).. until towards her feeding time. And i love how we worked together, taking turns to tend to her :) Marriage, parenthood.. is really about good teamwork. And now we are feeding each other when she's fussy during our meal! hahaha..

Again i breastfed her a little in the car on our way home. And she fell asleep. There is just something inexplicably heart-warming having your baby feed from you then doze soundly in your arms :)

Finally found Megan's special present!

it's so perfect!!! *beams*
I'm gonna read her bible stories during her bedtime routine.
Zack laughed and said she wouldnt understand.. hehe
doesnt matter.. she can feel it in her heart :)

i wanna sleep.....

Gonna take Megan for her vaccination, we gotta leave soon but that princess is still sleeping. Hate to wake her up when she's sleeping so soundly. I wanna sleep too... Not gonna be sleeping much tonight cos Zack is working tonight *sobs* My darling hubby had been taking the graveyard shift so i could sleep *muaks* :)

Update from India: Godma and Rachel are leaving Delhi for Udaipur! Dubbed the venice of the east. Ahhh... Venice, i miss it so much! I miss our honeymoon so much.. Zack said we gotta get Megan's passport done so we can take her for hols :) Hope they will update me soon on how Udaipur is like.. i'm living vicariously through them!

Godma and Rachel are holidaying in India now!
we sent them off at the airport last night..
reckon airport is near home and T3 is still relatively quiet.
also a chance to get out and for grandma to see little darling..

godma and rachel were so excited to see her :)

they simply cant get enough of her.. haha

Megan was a good gal!
we fed her at home and she was all quiet and drowsy..
but she started to fuss just when we were dining at Popeyes..
her mealtime - so i breastfed her a little in the car on our way home and she dozed off :)

my sis just msged me, telling me they had gone to the tombs, fortress etc... and as expected, was asking after her little darling.. haha.

*sigh*

somehow i'm missing them...

as i swell with pride...

Yesterday was our 1st family outing, albeit a short one :)
Chris and Ellyne treated us to lunch..
Megan was a good gal - as long as she was in my arms *shake head* :)
Des bought some lovely headbands for Megan..
i tot they were so cute!
Zack said i'm gonna scar her by putting one on her.. hahaha

Mummy took care of Megan all by herself today..
and we survived!
Since CL left, someone will drop by to check on us..
my dear sis took leave last week to help out..
i was looking forward to seeing her everyday,
she sure livened things up..
and mum Elsie came by last night with food..
we chit chatted from 6 - 10pm
she told me to call her if i ever feel lonely when Zack's at work
i sure gotta lovely mother-in-law :)
i'm surprised at who came thru for me
the ones i expected didnt,
the ones i didnt expect, were there to support.
but i am careful not to be dependent on anyone.
funny how i'm looking forward to company these days..
i've always been very independent.

Zack's been very busy with work - audit is today.
hoping things will go back to normal soon..
and he'd be home more..

exhausted but cant sleep...

cant get this song outta my head..
song on repeat: You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson

home alone..

Zack is working tonight :(
so i'm home alone with Megan tonight!
it's been an hour past her feeding time.
she should be up anytime now.
but she is still soundly asleep :)
that's right sweetheart, sleep more.. sleep is good..

Tonight Zack cooked dinner before going off to work.
he even steamed fish with herbs and cooked eggs with DOM..
the way CL used to cook.
whoa.. my darling know how to cook confinement food!
so clever! *muaks* :)


gosh it's 2am now.
and Megan is asleep now..
i'd better catch some winks before she is up again..

all in a day's work...

6.28pm
I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a go for 2 days.
sitting here with Megan asleep in my arm - FINALLY!
she's been awake all day and really cranky at times.
thankfully my dear sis came by today to help out,
(she changed her 1st diaper!)
boiled me herbal soup and helped around the house.
and i managed to steal 1 hour of sleep and take a warm bath to feel human
i'm NOT taking night duty tonight.
i seriously NEED sleep.
gosh and i'm starving...

9.35pm
little darling finally went into deep sleep after her 7pm feed.
i just managed to wash her up, change her into her pjs and diaper
without rousing her.
we passed the 'witching hours' in peace and quiet!

:)

18 August

You left me 10 years ago on this very day..
when i let go of your hand so you could leave in peace..
funny how i can easily go back and replay every minute of it..
i've been thinking alot of you these past few months..
since i have a little life growing inside me..
i thought of how you gave me life, a warm home and unconditional love..
i will be happy if i can be half the mother you were to me..

i wish so much til this very day that you are here with me..
at times i feel so lost and insecure..
what am i to do with a precious baby?
how am i gonna do things right by her?
i wish you are here to teach me how to be the great mum you were..

as i sit here allowing those emotions to bubble, the pain is still as acute..
when i think of how happy you will be that your little gal is a mother now..
and what a wonderful grandma you will be to Megan..
i wish you can see how perfect your grand daughter is..
she has your dimple..
the one you passed on to me..

june saw me on sat and was astonished how much i'm looking like you..
jie told me her eyes went red as they talked about you..
we all miss you so much..


and tonight i cant help asking God... why must He take you away from me?

the CL is leaving tomorrow!

and i'm so looking forward to taking care of Megan on my own :D
alright, sleepless nights are part of the deal and i'm not too psych on that part
check back on me a month later and see if i'd gone bald.. haha
i really hope i'd do a good job.. *nervous*

Zack's really cute..

he's been paranoid about CL stealing our precious in the dead of the night that he had instructed me to keep the housekeys with me.. reminded me like a hundred and seven times lor.. haha. (he's working tonight) He even took a picture of her so we have some form of identification should she make a run. Valid precaution cos she's malaysian and once across the border, we couldnt track her down. Gosh what's with me too... i'm just as paranoid! But we have too much at stake.. Megan is TOO important!

just went in to check on Megan.
my heart just swell by watching her sleep :)
she's so small and perfect..
i'm so addicted to her sweet baby scent

alrighty enough gushing.. i can go on all day.
i'd better hit the sack now.
i reckon tonight is the last night i'd sleep for more than 4 hours


nitess~

note: i must remember i got a big baby to sayang too.. must not neglect him! Love you many many darling! Muaks :)

Megan's full month celebration....

.......and i didnt take a single shot!!!
how could that happened?!!!

Fact is, it was an exceedingly stressful day. And the star was miserable :( Too many people, too much noise, my poor gal was overstimulated and couldnt handle it. She kept crying, and some idiots said she is hungry and fed her more than what she could handle, then she vomitted. She only managed to settle down at 9plus. By then, bulk of the guests had left and some didnt even get to look at our princess.

Megan was miserable and so was i. I couldnt stand her crying so much and all the well-meaning advice thrown at me at the same time on loud decibels were stretching my nerves too thinly. And i especially hate it when i was soothing my baby in my arms, some people will just grab her away from me and pass her on to more experienced arms. I may be inexperienced but i'm her mother. She's MY baby and no one has the right to take her away! I was having a hard time holding it all in.. seriously.

Seems like in almost every event we throw, i am bound to face some form of disappointment. Our wedding.. now Megan's full month celebration. I shant go into it cos i'm quite drained now. However i should count my blessings and thank the lovely friends who made the time to come celebrate with us :)

One big highlight: Hui Ching came to visit!!

Gosh we've not seen her in years and i was so happy to see her! :) Zack even reminded me to invite her.. haha. She came with Leon and i have to say i really like him. It's just this vibe a person gives you. I see how he makes her laugh and i'm sure he'll make her one happy gal :) oh she bought Megan the cutest Nike crib shoes :) Pity we didnt get much chance to catch up.

Many came bearing gifts and angpows.. and our doors only closed at 1.30am! We had a late celebration with our friends.. gosh, the list is getting longer with their significant others ;) Chris & Ellyne (they got engaged! congrats!!), Mark & Christina (our latest shiny new couple), Renee & Collin, Des and Fu.

Maybe this is a celebration for the proud daddy cos he seems to be the only one who enjoyed himself.. haha. Megan and mummy on the other hand had a rough night.

Okay, no mood to continue. Perhaps I will do a proper one and post it on Megan's blog. I so have to post a pic of the cute little favors we ordered for our guests.

*moody*
so stay away..

Chris just went off, came over to do a little filming..

he is gonna to propose to Ellyne tomorrow during Megan's full month celebration!!! This is so exciting!!!

We are gonna put the ring around Megan's neck and get Ellyne to carry her. Just pray hard that Megan will cooperate and not be in one of her famous wailing bout.. hehe. (I tell you that girl has mighty strong lungs! CL asked if i took alota nourishments during pregnancy.. haha) We hope it will be a memorable proposal for them both :)

Okay i better go tidy a room while Megan is quietly playing by herself.

Tata~

the only thing my little darling got from me - her sweet dimple!

Zack had laid claim on her brows, eyes, nose...
and the other day, he said she got his chin.
I was like, "Can you leave something for me?!!"

But that little sweet deep dimple.. he cant touch, it's mine! :P
(he actually got a dimple on his right cheek but it's faint.. haha)

she must be having really sweet dreams :)

this pic was taken 10mins ago.
she is finally sleeping!
and having sweet dreams too.. haha.
been fussy the whole afternoon.
this little princess ah...

oh did i mention how incredibly fussy she was last night while we were out? We came home to stories about how restless she was. CL carry, cry. Grandma carry, also cry. But she calmed down and slept once we came home.. and didnt wake til her next feeding! It was really quite amazing! CL said babies can sense their parents presence. Wow really?? :) Our sweet little baby.... :)

The day i turned twenty-eight

My breakfast: noodles for longevity and 2 eggs, i dunno what they represent. Zack only had 1.. haha.



Zack & i went out for dinner and a movie! Mum Elsie and Dad Lincoln came by at 6pm to babysit while my sis took the later shift at 8.. hehe. I was really looking forward to going out, the last time i went out was our last jaundice check and that was almost 2 weeks ago! However, i was surprised that i didnt quite enjoyed myself. I was thinking of Megan half the time we were out!! I missed her...

Caught G.I Joe.. it rawks!! And Channing Tatum was so hawt! Gosh.. i even missed watching movies with Megan. She doesnt like loud noises and squirms about. Okay enough about Megan, back to the movie. Anyway, it's a must-see flick. The effects were astounding!

Dinner at Marche
and it was a teary one (twas the hormones).... cos Zack surprised me with a birthday cake - a slice!! :)

Do you know this is the first birthday cake/slice he bought me in our 5 years together?? He doesnt get why i love birthday cakes.. haha. What is a bday without a bday cake right? See.. i'm happy with a slice even! I'm so easily contented.. hehe.

Ah yes, that's me 3 weeks after i gave birth. Still round around the edges *sigh* :( Hoping i'd lose the water and fats soon. But i'm happy i can wear my engagement ring and watch now!

something's coming up soon! :)

Ben & Val popped by for a visit on Wed :) Godpa cant wait to see his god-daughter again.. haha.. and also to come cheer me up with gossips and bday presents! :) Gosh.. i think this is the 1st time in my life someone gave me a balloon.. those free give-aways dun count. I gotta deprived childhood.. haha. I also got some lovely earrings.. Val noticed i like big earrings and got me a couple of dangles :)

Last night, Des and Fu came by for a visit too. And Fu bought me my favourite jap biscuits! :D

I got awesome friends!
I sure am blessed :)

Zack said he knows what to get me for my bday.. whoa, i'm getting a present from him too?? :D After my mummy bag, i wasnt expecting anything. Told him not to spend too much this time. We have to be prudent now. I'm happy with a love letter or a bouquet of flowers.. more importantly, he gotta take me out!!!

Today is his off day but he gotta stand in for a trainer who is on medical leave for 1 week. So there goes one of his off days and he will be working day shifts this weekend :( But he took leave next week for my bday! *beams*

what's wrong with the world mama?

a series of disturbing news..

1) Ydae we heard news of how a SDA pastor was locked in his room and set on fire by his son. He died. And the son was Zack's primary school friend. Gosh... this is shocking and so unbelieveable. What does it take for someone to snap and set his own father on fire?? To be so consumed by hatred that he would commit such an act.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking+News/Singapore/Story/STIStory_413254.html

2) I read this several days back and it's still boggling ard in my head.. that's how disturbed i am! A mother decapitated and mutilated her 3 week old baby boy!!! She chewed off his toes and ate bits of his brain. A schizo and suffering from postnatal depression.. she said the devil made her do it. I'm speechless.. Being a new mother and having a 2 week old baby, i cant fathom how any mother can ever do it. It's YOUR baby! But things happen that just blow your mind off. I'm so incredibly sad by this. I look at Megan and i just feel this fierce pang of love and i know i'd just die should anything happen to her.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1202776/Pictured-The-mother-accused-stabbing-week-old-baby-boy-death-mutilating-corpse.html

a new life screamed her first breath while another breathed her last..

Zack's grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep on Sat night.

Our deepest regret is that Megan didnt get to meet her great-grandmother. We intended to take a family photo of the 4 generations but we are too late now.. *sigh* Life can really take unexpected turns.

He is at the wake now. I so wanna be there with him but i cant. But i'll be going to the creamation with him tomorrow morning. It's the least i can do as a grand-daughter-in-law and wife. I really wanna be there for him. My only worry is Megan.. *sigh*

Dear Lord, please keep Megan safe from any harm and danger. Place your hand of protection over her.. day and night. In Jesus Name i pray, Amen.

my little angel :)

sometimes it's just so surreal..
that this little angel came from me..
how is it possible that i be given such a precious gift?

Mummy and Megan gotta birthday cake!

Godma, Rachel & Xiu just went off.. and the gals came to visit too!
and guess what?
Megan and mummy got a birthday cake!!!
Lovely Sy specially went to Goodwood Park and bought us a DURIAN cake!!!!
isnt she awesome?? :)


:)


Ben, Val & Ant came over last sat. Like wat Ben said.. they had to barge their way in.. haha. I wasnt feeling up to visitors at that time but they sure cheered me up :)