Butterfly kisses.....

"of all i've done wrong.. i must have done something right..."

It's meant to allow us to get more sleep but 8am found me awake, pumping and missing.... with only 6 hrs of sleep under my belt. Wonder if Megan's awake already? Is grandma and grandpa playing with her?

After dropping Megan off (she slept all the way w/out even a peep!), Zack, I & Pappe head off to taokee for a late dinner. Had my favourite hotplate venison and Zack had his crabs! No good movies to catch and Marky was too tired for shisha so we head off home. We were actually pretty beat but wanted to take the time-off for some activities.

It was so strange having dinner at taokee then heading home.. just like before. And not rushing to bed to get as much sleep possible for the next day's long drill. And just chatting and laughing out loud without worrying about waking Megan. But it was strange... i cant believe our old life is strange now! hahaha. Felt a pang when i went to Megan's room and she wasn't sound asleep in bed.

But i was glad Zack & I had some time for ourselves. Having a baby changes things.. the attention had shifted and it's so easy to let things slide. So it's imperative that we make the extra effort to keep the flame burning.. haha. More i-love-yous, more affection.. and yes, we are totally in love with Megan but we have to stop talking about her and just focus on us sometimes. I must bear that in mind cos i look at her pics even when Zack and i were out alone! hahaha. He gotta remind me that its 'our' time.. hehe. I have a hubby who needs and deserves my attention and affection too!

It makes me love him more when i see how much he loves Megan. Hey, i just realised it's like a circle! Everyone loves everyone and bcos of that, everyone loves everyone more! Okay.. i dunno wat i'm talking about :P

When Zack worked day shift (8am - 9pm), he dont get to see Megan at all. By the time he comes home, she'll be fast asleep. She'll only able to see Daddy at her 1-2am.. with sleepy eyes. So Zack had not spent any time with Megan for the past 2 days.. only getting sms updates and being jealous that he didnt catch her laughs (she started to laugh!!).. haha. He missed her so much that he insisted on carrying her all the way to grandma's last night :) I had to lug all the bags and Pappe (and i fell down! :( ) but i didnt mind. I've always love watching Zack carry Megan like she's crystal and looking tenderly at her. She looks so protected :) It brings to mind this song.....

Always get teary-eyed when i listen to this...


I love Megan so much and i want the world for her..
and i'm thankful she has a Daddy who loves her.
I dun have a Daddy who has the ability to sing this song to me..
but i'm happy Megan has one :)
She has a Daddy who'll teach her to ride a bicycle,
who will kiss her tears away when she has her first fall,
who will sneak candy behind mummy's back,
who will stand at the door and glare at any boy who dares come sniffing ard his little gal.
who will walk proudly down the aisle with her but with tears in his heart..

Gonna miss my little mac tonight :(

Grandma and Grandpa requested to have Megan over tonight.. whole night. While I dont mind the respite.. i know i'm gonna miss her tons :( Though i wonder why they want her for the night and not day, she'll be sleeping all the way. Megan now sleeps for 14 hours! 8pm - 10am.. with 2 feeds in between. One at about 1-2am and another at 6-7am. That's really great for a 3 month old baby... and it sure is easy on Zack and i :)

Godma and Rachel came over this afternoon! We had a wonderful time chatting and playing with Megan. Megan was all smiley and Mama heart melts.. haha. Godma says she smiles very easily.. and is a very smiling baby. A very tough one too. She said i didnt smile this easily when i was a baby... Guess she takes after Daddy (again!)

My little princess @ 3 months :)



Life is goooooood.....


...........very gooooooood!


i just so love her cheeks! *bite*

Okay.. Zack is on his way home!
gotta go get Megan's stuff ready..
more pics on the way!
i've been taking so many my hp is running out of space.. haha
there are some shots which i cant bear to delete: Zack& i, Pappe, my bday dinner at Jaan, my Omega, some Maldives shots.. and now Megan's. Arggghhhhh... like that how???

Chatting with Tong Tong now..
she's all alone in BKK :(
guess events got too much to handle and she needed a break from it all and escaped to BKK. No one knows where she is.. friends and family. I'm the only who knows. I really hope she's fine..


Sometimes all we want is a little peace and quiet.
a place where all we have is our thoughts.
but when we get there, we realise that sometimes even our thoughts get too much to bear.


Nothing happened, just feeling pensive..
fact is, i've been holed up alone with Megan for days...
with only Zack to talk to.. and of crse Megan who dun understand a word i say.. haha. Feeling bored!!!

9.15pm: Finally.......

..... down for the night.
both Megan and I.
Got her down for the night at 8pm and i managed to get chores done:
- ironed Zack's uniform, he's working tonight
- see Zack off to work (oh it's a chore cos i dun enjoy it.. i rather he stay home!)
- washed the dishes
- boiled water for tomorrow
- cleaned up the kitchen

Dining table is still messy but i'm too tired, shall leave it to tomorrow. Been up and about since 8am and it's 12hrs of non-stop action.. seriously! I've never felt this tired in my entire life and i'm amazed i've not fallen ill once! No joke i tell you... When night falls, i morph into this grouchy bitch, easily irritated. But i gotta wonderful and understanding hubby who understands that i'm just really worn out from the day. I get really grouchy when i'm very tired. Zack on the other hand is extremely good natured and tempered. (Not that i wanna boast k but it's true :P) When i get into a bitch rant.. he'd just hug me and say,"It's okay.. i understand... you're just tired." That effectively stop any rant and i morph again into a sweet wifey.. hahaha! But i also have to be mindful that he too has his plate full with work and our little bundle (though full of joy but also full of work)... so cannot rant too much! Appreciate the little things and let the unimportant slide.

SOooo now... finally some free time for myself! :D

My cafe is doing well.. earning lotsa money! My restaurant is on a stand-still now.. haha. I'm just getting the daily free ingredient and Zack is helping himself to them. And yesterday he got my restaurant to buy an arcade machine and gift it to his restaurant cos he ran outta money! So smart ah..

Our Restaurant Talk....
(Zack chasing me to go for dinner)
Z: Come let's go eat.. aren't you hungry?
J: Yes I am.. but i'm waiting for my french onion soup to be ready.

hahahaha... we got it bad.

Some shots of our little darling..
she is 12 weeks old already!
it's true.... at the end of the day, just a smile from her and the tiredness from the day just dissipates :)

(copy and paste from Megan's blog: http://ourlittlesweetbean.blogspot.com/)
Megan was in her rocker gazing peacefully at the toys dangling from above and i was sitting on the sofa just infront of her. I noticed that my breasts were full and made an exclamation to myself. I looked up and saw her looking at my breast and grinning away! She looked so happy to see it (food!) Hahahaha.... My greedy piggy!

And that was when i took the 3 shots above :)

(Marky always ask me for shots of Megan. This God-father is very taken in with his God-daughter.. haha. I direct him to her blog and he never seem to remember the url! tsk tsk... So yeah, Megan's shots/updates are posted there though some may be duplicates)

Pretty lashes! :)
I say she got my lashes.. and i dare anyone to say different! *fierce*

It's getting cold in here!

oooohhhh.... been awhile since i update here.

pretty busy with stuff and Megan and running a restaurant (make that 2) and a cafe.. hahahha! Ju is one busy busy woman!

Zack is back to work this week :(

He was off the previous week and enjoyed his company! He didnt even go fishing, though i told him he could.. stayed home with Megan and me the entire time *beams* We brought Megan out.. and also managed to enjoy some quality time to ourselves :)

Wed: Caught 'The Ugly Truth' at TM. It was totally hilarious and a must-see! Had a nice meal at Secret Recipes. The irish lamb stew.. oh the irish lamb stew~ reminds me of our KL trip :)

Fri: Brought Megan to the office and also to my previous office. I so miss Theresa, who is like a mother to me. Somehow it was like coming home, with all the familiar faces.. Evelyn, Sam, David, Stevie, Jenny etc.

Met the gals for dinner and drinks at Airport T3. Brought Megan along so Zack could get some peaceful sleep. Sy really surprised us! She was carrying Megan the entire time! We sure werent expecting this maternal side of her... didnt even know she enjoys babies.. hahaha :)

Sunday: Marky's birthday. BBQ at his house. Till now.. i'm still dreaming of his rib-eye steak! Pity we had to leave early. Was enjoying myself. Really miss those days where we'd hang out at his basement on weekends and head off for supper. Oh did i mention Marky FINALLY got hitched?!!! Her name is Christina and i really like her! :) Happy for him and he'd better treat her well.

Cant remember which day it was when we had dinner with Chris and Ellyne at Ikea. That's another lovely couple :) They were helping us push Megan (in her stroller) around Ikea and Zack & i get to hold hands! See how deprived we are... haha. Chris and Ellyne just selected a unit at Punggol Residences - same as Ching!!! Whoa... we are all gonna be neighbours :) Only wish we'd still be in Punggol when they move over. Zack and i have plans to move if opportunity is good.

Okay.. gtg do some reading before Megan is up.
my time evolves around her now.. haha.
more photos when i've more time to post.. right now i'm uploading them to facebook.

rainy sat today..
wishing i can laze in bed with my new NR book...

oh! airtickets are booked!!!
My darling is planning this trip.. haha. Let's see if he does it as good as moi ;)

*gasps*

Evelyn just said Megan is starting to resemble me!!!
She is my BFF now!!! :P

I'm so proud of myself...
what i have been up to:
Yesterday: Re-organised Megan's room.. It looks different now!

Today: Between Megan's naps and feeds, i've cooked lunch (a whole meal mind you), washed the dishes and utensils, mopped the floor, did the laundry... and it's only past 4pm :)

Jeez.. being a homemaker sure aint easy! Hours fly by and i just dunno what i'd been busy with. When Megan is up, i'd usually play with her (she is so fun to play with now! all those gummy toothless grins) or watch Travel & Living with her. Today we caught "1000 places to see before you die" and it was PARIS! As the hosts went from site to site.. Effiel.. Arc D'Triompe.. Notre Dame.. i was telling Megan that mummy and daddy went there for our honeymoon.. and one day will take her there :)

As it is.. we are bringing her for her 1st holiday soon! Though Zack likes to say Megan's 1st holiday is to the Maldives.. hahaha. When she was only a tiny little seedling :)

Now what i'm finding out: How to dress a 6 month old baby in a climate of 10 - 20 degrees celsius? Any help?

So yesterday Zack and i brought Megan out shopping - Compass Point, Ikea and Giant. She enjoys going out, especially loves car rides. It's so funny how she only cries at traffic lights. Once Daddy drives off, she stops.. hahaha.

Our priority totally changed. After a nice meal at Ikea (fish & chips!), Zack suggested going to the kids section. We intended to just grab a clock and poof. Now it's all about Megan :)

Oh look what's new in the store?!

a baby's high chair!
the seat is actually red.
the black and red suits our kitchen actually.. haha.

she looks so cute in it!!!
totally cant resist and bought it.. though it'll be months before Megan can sit in it!

Last visit to Ikea, Pappe got a new bed.
This visit, Megan got a new chair.
Now when am i gonna get my chair???

Last night.. my sister stayed over!
Zack was working night, Andrew (BIL) went overnight fishing..
so my sis decided to stay over and play with Megan.
told her Megan is always very cheery in the morning after her morning feed.. she'll be smiling and playing with her mobile.. so cute! (She smiles when i play and talk with her, she smiles when i turn on her mobile and can stare at the rotating pooh, tigger, eyeore and piglet for quite awhile!)



It sure was nice having her around. To chat with and share Megan with :)
She was up waiting for Megan to wake for her night feed but our little darling only woke up at 3.30am. Meanwhile she played Restaurant City on facebook and guess who was online? Zack. Supposed to work, still can play game! Aiyoooooh! I was able to sleep soundly knowing she was around to keep an eye. Megan has a very doting auntie and is gonna be spoilt rotten!

Hmmm.....
it's already 11.15pm and Megan is still asleep.
her last feed was at 6.30pm!
think i'll bring her to my room and sleep with her tonight :)
i probably wouldnt sleep much cos she makes so much noise in her sleep. My sis was complaining that she got cheated by Megan so many times last night.. hahaha. Thought she's gonna wake but that's our dear gal mumbling in her sleep :)

If someone had told me 5 years before that my day will start when the sun is young and i'll hit the sack way before midnight - on a non-working day, i'd tell them they're nuts.

By 8.30am these days, i'd most likely have fed my Megan, clothes in the washer, bottles all sterilized, water boiled, fresh water (with dental liquid) for Pap, kitchen wiped down, taken my vits, essence of chicken and starting to clean the floor. Trying to get all necessities done before my little boss wakes or starts to fuss from her rocker. I let her watch Travel & Living.. haha.

Gosh.. HUGE change for a nocturnal like me who wakes at 2pm, sleeps at 4am and housechoring is a once-a-week thing. Staying in bed all afternoon with a book, surfing the net all night.. and painting the town red the hours in between.

I still look back with a pang, knowing that i'd never go back to that again.. ever. I always seem to take longer getting adjusted to new roles. Letting go of the old will take awhile..

At times i feel so tired.. so drained. Thinking of what needs to be settled soon. I'm not happy. At times i feel elated.. which only happens when i look at my sweet darling (when she's not wailing her lungs out). Feel sad that my time with her is running out.

Right now.. i dunno how my days will start and how it'll end. Everyday is like an emotional roller ride.

Can i get off now?

separation anxiety... i miss my mac..

We left Megan at Zack's parents for the day so we could get some rest. I havent slept much the past 2 days and i've still 1 more night to go cos Zack is on 3 nights shift. She had been a handful the past few days. While i'm relieved for the break (my back is breaking!) i can't help missing her. Felt like a bad mother for abandoning Megan :(

Just woke up from an uninterrupted sleep and guess what? I still couldnt sleep! Thought i heard her cry and woke up.

Gonna go pick her up at 5.30pm. Hope Megan's been good grandpa grandma's house.

My Darling Hubby bought me my favourite snacks....

.....cos i had a tough day with our LM :)
that's to cheer me up and they are all mine! dun need to share! :P

he's the sweetest!!!
muaks! love you many many!

gosh.. Zack is really good at Restaurant City.
he rearranged my layout and it's doing better!
i'm reaching level 8... wooohoooo!
cant believe he's so addicted to this game.. hahaha

10mins and i'm heading to bed..
Megan has knocked out and hopefully stays down for another 2 hrs.
She was an angel last night..
slept for 5hrs between her 2 night feeds!
Zack only had to wake to do the 3am feed while i did the 8am feed.
though i woke at 5.45am to pump cos my breasts were engorged.
SLEEP..... i shall never take you for granted.. ever!

Our current addiction.....

......Restaurant City on Facebook!

Zack is playing my restaurant, his and Megan's!
yeah he finally set up an account but solely for this game.. haha.
we are trading ingredients among ourselves.. hehe.
gosh.. its 7.15pm and we are still playing!
supposed to be going to compass point.
Megan is clean, fed and snoozing in my arm :)
i'm gonna sleep all night tonight!!!
Zack is on night duty :P

Life is a blast...

Megan is asleep in her rocker.. *sigh of relief*
she was a total monster yesterday!
only slept a total of 1 hr 20mins the entire day..
the rest of the time she was incredibly fussy.
i did EVERYTHING to coax her..
the minute she was alone, her tirade starts.. *sigh*
come 8.30pm, i begged Zack to come home cos i was going bonkers.
he took over when he came home and i completely knocked out.
looks like week 8 is turning out to be a tough one.
week 7 was paradise.
week 6 was a nightmare.. complete with Pappe being hospitalised.

My Nightmare...
i went through hell that week.

Pappe was all perky running around when suddenly she (tongue) turned blue.

it was fortunate i picked it up immediately and we rushed her to the clinic.

and also thank God that my auntie was here so she looked after Megan. Took blood tests and she was given oxygen. Vet at the clinic said we had to send her to the hospital cos they do not have the equipment. So we sent her to Mt Pleasant after 30mins of oxygen - she looked pink again. Did X-rays and found out she got a grade 5 heart murmur - grade 6 being the worst, and had to be hospitalised for 1 night. She recovered really well and could go home the next day. We monitored her for 3 days and sent her back to the clinic for a follow up. And guess what? Her heart murmur dropped to 2! The vet said it is very strange and is rare. It's a good sign but she still gotta be on medication for life.

I cant begin to say how i feel.

Pappe is so essential to me.. she's been with me for the past 10 years. Bought her after mummy passed away and has been my constant comfort. She's been through so much with me (though Zack likes to say she doesnt have a choice).. we've moved to so many houses. I used to bring her everywhere with me.. orchard shopping, library, school.. i'd pack her in a bag and off we go striding in the world. What happened recently forced me to face the reality that we do not have another 10 years. She is aging and will one day leave me. I cant cant imagine life without her. I really dunno what i'd do if she leaves.. i'll die.. seriously. I tried to give her the best. Premium food and healthy diet. Even bought Chile to keep her company. I didnt wanna get a car so soon but Zack said we can bring the dogs out - he is smart, knows which buttons to push. After we gave Chile away and Megan is out, i showered more attention on her. Then her heart condition surfaced. I'm keeping an eye on her constantly - even at night! With Megan needing constant attention.. it's no mean feat. Pappe always has been a fussy eater and she has lost alota weight. Now i'm coaxing her to eat when she is being picky.. *sigh* I think she is getting irritated cos i call her every now and then to check on her and her tongue.. haha. What i'm telling everyone.. i got one who eats constantly, and one who refuses to eat.. *sigh* life is such joy.

In anycase, i'm so thankful for Zack.

who had been so supportive and is such a wonderful father and hubby. Despite pulling in the shifts, he still helps with the night feedings some nights so i could sleep. Though he dont understand why i'm so worried over Pappe (dun think anyone does) but he was there for me. That night when Pappe was hospitalised, Zack was working night shift. He came home at midnight for me cos i was so distraught. This act of love i will never forget.

He said we deserve a break and we're going on a holiday in dec!
so that's something to look forward to :)

a mini date with my darling dearest!

its past 9 and my little Megan is sound asleep nex to me..
pappe was lying next to us (dun let the grandmas noe)..
read her the story of Noah after her feed..
as i cuddle her in my arms and she doze sleepily..
i cant help this surge of love and i just tear - hormones still out of whack.
gosh i love this little one so much.. and guess what?
she's mine! :)

Zack and i managed to grab some time to ourselves this afternoon!
PIL babysat for us while we catch a flick at TM :)
it's been too long!
my darling hubby treated me to Fish&Co..
that's for being the best wife and mum.. awww... *blush*
i love you too baby!

he's at work now..
somehow i'm missing him tonight..

hoping Megan will sleep long hours tongiht.
she slept from 8pm - 1.30am last night.
Zack and i both knocked out and we managed to get 5.5hrs of sleep!
thats really a recording breaking 5.5 hrs for me!
sleep really does wonders to my disposition... seriously.

gonna do some chores then hit the sack..
megan dear.. pleeeease sleep til past midnight again...

why do i feel depressed most mornings?
tapped out..
zapped out..
sometimes i feel like i've nothing more to give..
so how's a lil care?
so how's a lil concern?
i have nothing more to give..
i'm tired.. in every sense

why do i feel at this dusk of dawn..
that i'd never be the one..
all i am is an instrument..
you have loyalty but not to me..
never to me..
cos i'm never the one..

oh what have i done?
what have i done to myself?
i had it going good..

what have i done?

i'm terrified.

9/9/9 - anything special happened on this day?

Megan smiled at me when i talked to her!
she's been smiling quite abit recently.. especially after her feeds.
today is the first time she breaks into a grin when i came round to her cot :)

she's now asleep in her sling :)


i'm contemplating bringing her and pappe down for a walk... hmmm....
maybe at 7 when it's cooler..

Today is the 7th.....

.....and our little darling is 7 weeks old!



and we're going to Ikea!
gonna buy Pappe a new bed and some toys.
(note to self: buy stuffed elephant for Sy too)

in a saturday...

my darling hubby waiting while i had my haircut.. muaks! :)
(he even fed and changed Megan's diaper ;))

ohhhh... what's that he's carrying??


*gasps* it looks like......


......a snoozing chubby tubby!

Our little darling's full month celebration

A card that goes with the little giftbag for our guests.

*more pics up soon*

My shame that i didnt take any shots that day :(
these are a few taken by Ellyne.

Chris proposed to Ellyne that day!

He put the ring on a chain and Megan wore it. I got Ellyne to carry Megan while i put on a video the guys did the day before. Footage of the video will be P&C unless approved by the producers. After the vid, he came into the room, got down on a knee and proposed to her! (Of crse it's way more romantic when how i've written here)

Our lovely friends who came.. bearing gifts and coos for our little princess :)


they're awesome! They had came by to see Megan a few times already :)
my only regret was not inviting Theresa, Evelyn, Kel, Evon and a few others from Willis instead. Couldnt invite many cos Zack did a mass invitation and i was afraid we couldnt handle the crowd so i had to limit who i invite.


Ellyne also took a few gorgeous shots of Pappe!




isn't she gorgeous?
my baby...
i love her too much!
did i mention how excited she was when Megan came home?
and how protective and sticky she was when i was expecting Megan?
she would even follow me to the toilet and sit next to the toilet bowl!
many commented on what a lovely dog she is..
Hui Ching's Leon and Renee's Collin both sang her praises.
said they would wanna get a dog like her if they've the chance :)

her birthday is coming up soon.. next month!