the one with Mark's new basement, pongteh and 10 yr old boys cartoon

it's 5.40pm... day zoomed past in a flash.
not a bad thing IT block msn again actually..
went to get our wedding day albums during lunch.
spent a bomb but they sure look good.
why is it anything good cost so blardee much?!!
but it's for keeps..
thats how i console myself..
now i cant get the earrings.. *sigh*

Zack picked me up from work ydae
and we popped over to Mark's.
The guys rehab the basement!
looks more spacious and neater now.
and it smells pretty good - for a change.. hahahaha
ok lah, the musky scent wasnt too bad ;P

makaned at Ivins, this peranakan restaurant.
man oh man... nostalgic...
the pongteh was good!
but not as good as mummy's :)
i miss u.....
we have just found another makan place!

the 4 of us then head back to Mark's.
(Mark, Fu, Zack and Ju)
imagine a group of 26, 27 yr olds..
lying on mats and cushions,
aircon humming.. lights out.. rain pitter pattering outside
watching Visionaries!
it's this cartoon the guys watched.. some 17 years back.
hahaha..
i fell asleep.

a pair of sick chickens

been feeling under the weather of late.
zack and i.
was on medical leave yesterday.
zack took my cough meds too and we slept the entire day away *grimace*
cough meds power sia.
finally got up at 7pm and putter ard the house abit.
we finally left for dinner at 9pm and to Sempang Bedok to meet Sharifa to return her the viewcam. That viewcam was used for filming my video to zack *grins*
(i just realised i didnt blog about it at all.
maybe in my wedding blog.. got some pics too!)
okay... anyway...

then zack suggested we go part-tow! *beams*
i was pleasantly surprised cos it's been awhile since we'd done that
and i know he wasnt feeling too well.. (so sweet right? :))
Was on our way to the airport when zack suggested Changi Beach.
so off we went..
Didnt stay long before we head off to Changi Village Beach..
more to see - bapok watching!
some quite chio man.. long slim legs.. too bad wrong equipment..
crossed the bridge over to the park and just enjoyed the view and relished its tranquility.
there was some joint playing some music so we got free entertainment as well.

At Changi Village Beach

well, erm.... it's kinda dark here..
but it's like an inlet..


... where boats are docked.
and it opens out to the sea.


ello!


sick chickens.. still can go gai gai..

on our way home.. we rode pass Changi Hospital...
oh boy, it sure was errie..
and zack wanted to ride in!!!

Sunday Night pics - Gary and Shuqin's wedding

Chris, Fugene, Zack
more guys are donning black.. for weddings
but they sure look suave!


:)

wedding bells..

just got back from Gary and Shuqin's wedding.
it was really lovely and feeling so happy for them.
4 years of courtship and they finally tied the knot tonight :)
must be something in July..
truly a wedding month.
attended 2 weddings today.
Tini's wedding (Malay) at noon - nasi briyani so sedup!
then rushed down to church for Gary and Qin's church ceremony.

so i'm really totally dead beat now.
it's been a crazy weekend.
all i can remember doing is sleeping, waking up, going out to meet the gang, come home, sleep, wake up, going out again.
oh oh.. we caught HARRY POTTER!
with Mark, Fu, QY on wait.. was it friday? or sat?
oh yeah, it was sat.
fri night was... another shisha session.
(and watching of the 45min video :P)
Mark's basement is starting to feel like home to us.. hahaha
there's just something about that basement that makes u feel real comfy.

sheesh.
think i caught a chill at the dinner.

okay gtg!
zacky's calling.
going to watch our wedding video Daphne (zack's cuz) filmed for us! :)
she's so sweet :)

2 weeks of silence...

so what had i been up to?
(some of u had been following my wedding blog)
oh, i got married!
what am i talking about? i AM married.. for a year long!
zack was funny..
he hugged me and said.."you're officially mine!"
i was like..."excuse me... then what was i for the past year?!"
*LOL* but i get what he meant.
we kinda feel 'complete'.. now that we're man and wife under the eyes of God. And deep down in our heart.. this is where it matters most. Not legally but spiritually. The dynamics of our marriage had changed.. and being blessed by Pastor Johnny.. who had watched zack grow up from a little boy to the man he is today.. makes it even more meaningful :)

Our wedding...
...was perfect to me.
What more can a gal ask for when her hubby seranades her infront of 200 guests and publicly declares his love for her? *soft sigh* :)
my eyes are not the only pair damp with tears.
i still look back at that night with a glow in my heart *smiles*

a nice long thank-you post is in the works.
complete with pics and all.
so watch this space!

it's been 6 days after the wedding and i'm still not feeling well.
been coughing my lungs out
and my throat hurts... *sigh*
i reeeeally do not like difflam...
cant take cough meds cos it'll totally knock me out
and i'll be like a zombie at work.
like that how to get well??? ayeee..
i'm feeling really sleepy even as i'm typing this.
*yawns*
is it me or am i feverish?
i think it's me.
i always 'almost' fall sick... but hardly ever do.
hard to garner sympathy hugs and kisses.. dammit.

i received a gift..
something i like.
but with mixed feelings.
why so?

something's in the pipeline for me!
now that our wedding is over,
its time to focus my energy on other avenues.
starting in Aug!
*skips*

**Updates: on our HONEYMOON!!!
airtickets are issued.
Italy hotels are confirmed.
time to book our Paris hotel and our airtickets from Venice to Paris!
13 weeks and 6 days to go!

Our Wedding Shots!

Be Back After 7 July!
you know where to find me.

our Honeymoon our Honeymoon! and we're going.......

*drumroll*

dont kill me dont kill me
dont envy dont envy
*dances*
i'm giddy.. 'm giddy..

ITALY & PARISSSSSS...!!!
made our booking on monday and we'll be flying off 4 months from that day!

and we will be there for a solid frolicking 2 awesome weeks!

it's Autumn then.. not too cold, not too hot.. perfect! i need to work on my wardrobe next.. haha.

havent been updating this blog cos just too busy maintaining 2 blogs.
busy with wedding prep so "My Wedding Blog" has been receiving all the attention.
i've got a link to it on the right side-bar for easy access.

i'll leave the happy stuff for my wedding blog.. haha

i'd just refused a $2K gift - cash.
stupid or what?
it's principles i say.
i appreciate the gesture nevertheless.
i've always been weird about money.
i dont ever borrow,
even when i'm downright broke.
i'd rather eat bread then ask someone for money
(save for Zack lah, but he always stuff me money.. haha)
it's been this way since young,
so much so that my mum will put a note in my wallet now and then.
cos everytime they asked if i needed money, i'd say no.
i dunno why... just a quirk.

nice lunch with Kel.
she'd been thru what i'm going thru now.
it helps to know that everything is actually normal.
that we're not the only ones going thru it,
some actually got it worse.

finally had lunch with Sylvia! - at long last..... :)
it was really nice catching up.. and bitching..
we gotta do more of it!

2 hours to go...
and my dreams will come through.

my litany..

looking at next week, my days are getting packed..
we've got marriage counselling, meeting with hotel coordinator.
i have ang pow box hunting with Jo/Sy (which i'm really looking forward to)
and here's the best one..
BOOKING OF OUR HONEYMOON TRIP!!!

and at work... Payroll time
(which i probably can wrap up in a couple of days)
and 2 outstanding issues before i can go on leave at ease
- Leave
- Travel

now for the mundane day to day issues..
spent $37 on groceries yesterday..
groceries nowadays are getting really costly.
as said, cooking for 2 person is not too cost effective
but of crse, we get healthy food
and the food i cook.. are rather healthy i must say
i only use olive oil, hardly any sugar, msg, salt etc.
no deep frying - only bcos washing of the oil-stained stove is a chore.. haha
anyway....
my new OIC has been very stressed out at work
not an excellent time for added responsibility
with the wedding coming up.
so i donned my apron and got to work
(coming home to a home-cooked meal is always nice)

sorry ching, i forgot to take a pic and show you what an ABC soup looks like.
well, its basically a rojak soup.. haha.

it houses: carrots, potatoes, onions, chicken, tomatoes, button mushrooms, corn. My favourite soup cos its easy to prepare (though plenty of chopping) and its highly nutritious, tasty without any seasoning (look at the amount of ingredients).. the colors are attractive :P

alrighty...
gonna hang out my laundry then put on a DVD
before i get my fat ass off and get some chores done.
i've been fighting a losing battle with the dust (generated from the construction going on right infront of our block!) and pappe's fur (which she has a problem keeping to herself) *sigh*

oh, i've set up a wedding blog..
just updates on our wedding prep.
check it out when you've time to kill.
http://www.zackandju.blogspot.com/

and an email from the gals.. almost made me cry.
thanks gals.. for helping me thru a difficult period *huge hugs*

i've never been this happy to find bread at home.
as usual.. i forgot dinner til about 9plus when my stomach growled.
by then i was already on my way home and it was too late to get anything
eating is a chore.
finding food is a chore.

came home with a pair of aching feet from some retail therapy.
today is the last day of a 3-day course.
Christine and i nestled in the prime area (the very back)
we spent the 1st 2 days surfing the net and msn-ing.
come last day, we start popping fishermans to stay awake (and pay attention) cos there's a test at the end of it.
Guess my score??
964/1000! yayyyyyy! *boogie dance*

together with Christine and Evelyn,
we popped over to Marina Square - Mango.
VIPs + friends with the sales assistant,
we were able to reserve pieces before the Mango Sale begins *grin*
we just picked and chose whichever pieces we like,
come 20th June, we'll purchase the pieces at the sale price.

after trying on the clothes, i realised that i did lose some pounds.
US Size 2 doesnt fit me snugly anymore.
sheesh...
people are commenting that i'm getting thinner.. sigh..
that my face is sharper, (which of crse is good!)
i eat.. i do eat... but once i get caught up with stuff,
eating is just not a priority.

i'm really pooped.
got work tomorrow.
Oh crap.

Ciao...

feeling....

...like i'm swimming underwater
cold, numb and quiet inside.
detached from my surrounding.
i can't feel what i usually feel.

This is hilarious.

Before i go any further....

Roger Wilkinson is the Managing Director of Willis Asia. He was my big boss way back in Marsh and in actual fact, was the one who offered me this job. Anyway, he had been very excited about my wedding. Everytime he drops by Singapore while doing his rounds, he'd ask after the wedding prep without fail. And before i even invited him (of crse i was going to!), he said he'd arranged his travels just so he'd be in Singapore on the 7th July.. awwww.. i was deeply touched. My boss said i can forget to invite anyone.. but not Roger! He'd come and haunt me.. hahahaha! He's one sweet guy *smile*

As per my 7th June post, i sent him the wedding invite (on his last trip here, he was hinting that he hasnt receive it.)

"Hi Roger,

.....Just wanted to check if you've received the wedding invite? We had some documents to be couriered to Hong Kong office last friday so i rode on that (though i've already bought the stamp!). The card should arrive anytime from now, if it hasn't already. Do keep a look out for it.

By the way, the stamp was apt. Check it out :)

Have a good Tuesday!

Warm regards,
Juliana"


His reply...

"Thanks. Got it yesterday. We wondered why it had not been franked and then thought that maybe the stamp was not real!!!
Regards"

so i bought my 1st ever piece of cloth from the Great Singapore Sale (commonly known as GSS)

i totally chanced upon it.
was rushing to the toilet - stomachache..
when this piece.. hanging unassumingly on the rack, caught my eye.

:: My size
:: 12 bucks - can u beat that?!
:: 70% off (reminds me of a certain someone who only buys her stuff at 50% or 70% discount onwards *winks at *Y*)

and when you've fantasized about something for more than a week
you just HAVE to get it.

been awake for 23 hours.
tired but not too keen on bed.
long busy day at work.
lovely time hanging out with the gals at night.
slept through part of the movie caught at midnight.
sitting infront of the com at almost 6 in the morning.
typing a senseless post.....

did you see the date today?!

1 month more to go!
i dunno how i'm feeling right now.
50% Nervous?
30% Stressed?
20% Excited?
=
a ball of churned up nerves

i'm beginning to understand how 'Runaway Bride' feels *gulps*
not that i'm gonna run away lah.

on a cheery note:
zack is definitely up to something.
but i simply cant whiff out anything more.

Was sending an invite to Roger in Hong Kong
so went to get a stamp for it.
how apt :)

whoa! just got a call from an old, good poly friend, Shannice.
gosh.. she got a baby!
and enjoying motherhood tons.
a little baby boy who looks just like her.
ahhhhh... so cute.
seems like everyone is telling me to pop one out soon.
and listing to me all the pros of having a baby early.
even Zack wants one next year.. haha.
jeez.. hope i wouldnt be convinced.
i've got plans... for myself.
well.........
guess we'll leave it in God's hands.

my pre-monday blues are starting earlier - Sunday morning/afternoon when i wake. Oh well.....

this weekend..
i alternate between being a maliyah and a couch potato.

So i did the laundry, scrubbed down a toilet, tidied the house. After the nice workout, i was looking forward to a nice rest infront of the telly with 'Happy Never After' on and a nice cuppa vanilla ice-cream in Kahlua.. when my darling hubby woke up from his nap and took over the telly. And went: "Isnt watching Star Wars with your hubby better? :)" *grimace*

WEDDING UPDATES!

11 June 2007: Food Tasting
23 June 2007: Cakes Distribution / RSVP
28 June 2007: Final Fitting
:: Our Wedding Album will be out!
just finalised the final layout of our pics. I'm not too entirely happy with one pic and i wanna change it to another but its too late *wails* Zack thinks the pic is nice but... but... it's not the nicest!!! The album has to be perfect.. the pics have to be the nicest! Nothing must be short of the best :(
:: Choosing of bridal bouquet/car deco

what else? what else?
i've started to get nightmares and panic attacks.

Zack is going over to Fu's place tonight to get some stuff done. He wouldnt tell me what but it's got something to do with the wedding. What can it be?!! *jumps*


and we'd like to give thanks for awesome parents.. for their generousity and selflessness. I'm touched.. immensely. And i'm not one who ever forget any good someone did me. *touched*

so i've finally made the call and got it over and done with.. so YOU GUYS CAN STOP BUGGING ME NOW!

somehow.. it drains me.

After 3 days of course,
i'm back at work *sucks*

the course was okay..
albeit boring and slow.
Jeannie and i sat at the back of the class..
surfed the net.. chat..
but c'mon, after awhile even surfing gets boring.
the room was cold and i got fidgety.
crap.. and there was a 50-min test at the end of the course.
but guess what? I aced it!
what can i say.. i'm a genius! *smirk*
zack said i got a MIN - Masters In Nonsense (1st class honours)
ahahahhaaa!

so after 3 days of course + 1 holiday,
getting my ass off to work this morning was an onerous task.
when i stepped into the office.. i'm faced with... crap
i dun wanna talk about it.
it just sucks.. big time.
i cant wait to get out.

Anyway, on to some happy stuff.

FINANCES.. or the lack of
- its certainly not happy stuff but i'm building to it

a trip to Hong Kong with the gals is coming up
and i was worried about my finances.
ya know.. with the wedding prep and all.
To top it off.. a couple of days back,
the window pane in our living room cracked!
so we had to replace it on our dime cos our 1-year warranty had lasped.
if u ask me.. its bullcrap.
its the building structure for goodness sake and we have to pay for it?!
not as though we played soccer in the house and cracked the blardee glass.
*sigh*.. and of all time, the stoopid glass has to crack NOW.
when we are at an all-time low on funds.
that's like another few hundred gone *deep sigh*
it never rains but pours....

so yeah.. i was worried.. deeply worried.
and thinking twice about the trip.
which got me pretty bummed cos i really do wanna go.

then zack told me he's getting a bonus in July and...
he'd fund my Hong Kong trip.. as my wedding present!!!!!
*be still... my heart*
aaahhhhh........
imagine that?!
my hubby's giving me a trip for my wedding present?!!
i wanna get married every 5 yrs! (to the same person mind u)

jokes aside.
but... i dunno if i can let him do it.
All of our bonuses had been blown.. on our house and wedding..
so this will be his 1st bonus where he can just do whatever he please with it..
and a huge portion of it will go.. to me.
its... just... not right.

more good news..

So it's official!
Zack is the new OIC of his station!
Yayyyyyyy!!!
OIC = Overall In Charge
OIC = Outstanding Isaac Chan *guffaws*
certainly put him in good stead for the next promotion up to Warrant Officer (the one with the gold buttons.. ahaha)
he's also the youngest OIC around (in terms of years on the force)
i'm so proud of my man *beams*


we can only give thanks to God *smile*

Take a photograph, it'll be the last
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here
I don't have a past, I just have a chance
Not a family or honest plea remains to say

Rain rain go away, come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

Is it you I want, or just the notion of
A heart to wrap around, so I can find my way around
Safe to say from here, you're getting closer now
We are never sad 'cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away, come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

Rain rain go away, come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

To lie here under you is all that I could ever do
To lie here under you is all

To lie here under you is all that I could ever do
To lie here under you is all

Rain rain go away, come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun

Rain rain go away, come again another day
All the world is waiting for the sun
All the world is waiting for the sun
All the world is waiting for the sun

there's a call i've been dreading to make..
maybe tomorrow..
or the next..

i'm not ready..
maybe i'll never be..

4am in the morning found us...

...writing our wedding invites

we set up camp in the chillout room which we hardly used.
turned on the aircon, put on the CD for our wedding dinner,
and got to work.
sure set the mood for it.. the music is niceeeee.
spent 30mins at Sembawang @Compass Pt sieving CDs
and auditioning them. Got a winner.



the 2 imps sure love the chillout room.
with carpets, tatamis, an ole sheepskin and plenty of cushions..
they romped around and played tug of war.

we ended the night with johnny walker+coke.
and slept the entire day away.
this is life!

my internal clock has gone a little haywired.
i woke up at 5pm and now i'm starting to yawn.

oh, and...

Pirates of the Caribbean : At World's End RAWKS!!!!!

i slept with a brewing headache.
i woke up with a massive headache.
doesn't sleep help clear your head and rest your mind?
apparently mine doesn't.
been having problem with my sleep.
lovely.

my headache is so bad i gotta squint my eyes.
feel like there is a brick in there.
my only hope is that my boss will leave me alone this morning.
she hardly does.

maybe i have a tumour then zack will have his free house.
tough luck dude.
i'm a tough ole biatch.
too bad.

the RED comes after the BROWN

that BROWN face did it again....
another NEW FAVOURITE top GONE!
when i saw the holes on my new favourite knitted top (one that makes me look super slim and curvy).. i FEEL my eyes TURNING RED.
that's not the 1st new top she destroyed.
i had this pretty white top.. which i only wore twice.
i think i'd go crazy before she dies.
i'm halfway there already.

*sigh*

hollars: "How wants a Dachshund?? she's FREE and she looks mighty adoreable!"
i dont have to say looks are deceiving.
i've been conned!

i've got a sleeping disorder.
i'm finally admitting it.

i woke up at 2am last night
and couldnt sleep til 6.30am.
crap.
i was in bed.. tossing and turning.
head filled with thoughts.

dawned on me...
that dawn breaks ard 5am (bad pun)
when the sky turns to a vivid blue
my eyes blissfully closed..
for an hour.
crap.

i need some downtime.
i'm beginning to look like crap.

last friday..
i hit rock bottom.

on sunday..
i had a fight with this asshole.

he kicked Chile but missed.. cos that silly dog was sniffing ard his kids.
imagine i was chasing that brown face while she was happily chasing this kid who was running and screeching at the top of his voice like a chicken whose head been chopped off.
i finally caught her and glared at the asshole and said,
"Don't you dare kick my dog!"
then the fray begins...

touch my babies and you'd have me to reckon with! Nobody messes with what's mine.

i had to hurl that dog back home when 3mins later,
she ran out across the driveway and alongside a car.
Scared the living daylights out of me!
she's too much for me to handle.

so i took Pappe for a walk.
went to my sis's estate..
the roof garden.
where i used to bring her most Sunday late mornings.
(yes, there's a period of time Ju wakes up before noon on weekends)
it was just me and pap..
those were the days.

was browsing thru all my photos.
realised i didnt take many pics this year.
found one i've always considered my fav Krabi pic.
i miss those days..
when we were both giddy with love.
new love.. head over heels.
thrilling and intoxicating.
the time when i was still perfect in his eyes.
the time when all we worry about was our next holiday destination.
the time when things were simpler.
the time when.... i was....
*shrug*


i'm most likely going to Hong Kong..

my addiction and my dilemma

i've stop coffee since monday
cos i've got a new favourite beverage.
FRESH MILK.
those full cream kind.
my boobs look bigger so it must be the milk.. haha.
yeah right.. i put on weight.. 1 kg..!
it might seem little but for a 'not-so-tall' gal like me,
1 kg can make quite a diff.

however, this morning.. i had coffee *sheepish*
coffee+fresh milk= slurp

something new in the pipeline.
Hong Kong in Sept!
should i go or should i not?
great fun guaranteed.

and i really do need to get away...

the one with my oil bubble

so i've started my 'prepping the skin' regime.
Went for my first facial in years last night.
I had this little horrid oil bubble under my eye area,
courtesy of the oily makeup removal.
Thankfully Helen (who does my facial) was able to get rid of it
so i dun have to resort to laser - in the later years if ever.

It was this ugly little bump
and she was having a tough time taking the root out.
Went on for awhile and she could only get the surface oil out.
It blardee hurts mind u.
She said the root was still imbedded and cant seem to come out.
Then i said a prayer.."Lord, please please help Helen get rid of my oil bubble.. it's taking awhile and it hurts..."
After the prayer i started to feel foolish..
Whoever ask God for help on an oil bubble?! An oil bubble?!!!
It's like the least of all worries and so trivial.
Not like i'm praying for recovery from some illness.
You know, like something that warrants a prayer.
Would God actually answer such a trival prayer?


The very NEXT SEC.. Helen went.."Oh its out!"

i was stunned.
God is simply awesome!
and it shows.. hey, you can talk to God about anything! He listens.. He really does! *grins*

oh oh.. guess what i dreamt last night?
i dreamt that i got preg!
aaahhhhhhhhh......... *plop*

it must have stemmed out from what Jo and i were talking about yesterday.. having kids *gulps*

a comment made this morning got me thinking.. *sigh*
and the weather just match my thoughts.

last evening was some eventful night..

met up with Jo and Sy for dinner. It was a great way to combat the monday blues.. hanging out with your darling gals. It was impromptu. I msged them both at 3.30am the night before (or morning), checking if they are free for me to bounce some ideas (wedding) off them. You should hear all the noise they made at me being up at 3am... sounds like my mum.. hahahah!

"i slept at 1am and who would expect any msg at 3am?!!!!! You are up at 3 thinking about your wedding??"

"wat are you up doing at 335?!!!"

*guffaws*

well... ermmm........

So we met at Suntec and had Crystal Jade for dinner.. despite many grumblings from Sy. I had my favourite la mien with spring onions.. it's only $5! Then i treat them both dessert at NYDC.. to thank them for being such dears.. and allowing me to drag them out to be my sounding board.

Bounced some ideas off and some advices they gave made sense so i'm going back to re-think some plans i initially had. Jo had her wedding dinner last Dec so she is probably the best person to seek advice from.

Felt kinda bad i didnt call the rest along. But its hard to stick and focus on one subject when there are 6 gals.. It'll be great chaos.. and we wanted to keep dinner short. So.. Next time round will involve everyone! Cos the next thing we're gonna discuss is the saboing of the groom and groomsmen! *evil laughter*

We were already walking towards Citylink when zack msged me saying he wanted Kenny Rogers for dinner! *sigh* We had already left Suntec so i had to walk to Marina Square to get my hubby's dinner.. and that's where my night started to go downhill....

Had to wait 15mins for the chicken to be roasted. But zack was sweet and asked me to take a cab and he'd pay for it. I was reluctant cos i hate taking cabs. I'd rather hang on in the sardine-packed train for an additional 30mins and save that $15. But soggy chicken wouldnt taste good and he did said he'd pay for it.. haha.. so i went to search for a taxi stand. For someone who hardly ever take cabs, i wouldnt know where the vantage points are so i had to walk round and round (Marina Square is frigging huge!) in order to find a taxi stand. And by the time i found one... the queue was incredibly long. *sigh*

So i walked back into Marina Square and found another spot where 'on call' cabs drive by. Something happened here but i'm not gonna elaborate. All i wanna say is...

MAY ALL CAB SNATCHERS LOSE ALL YOUR HAIR AND BREAK OUT IN RED FAT WARTS!!! IF I EVER SEE YOU BOTH AGAIN, YOU'D BETTER RUN OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!! *FANGS*

then i hit my leg on those granite stone barriers. Now i'm sporting 2 lovely bumps on my shin and inner knee. Great.

so hot, sweaty, limping on 3inches stilts (and fuming).. i walked back to the train station and boarded the train home. It was already 10pm and i was hot and tired.. the lack of sleep was catching up on me. *sigh*

something cemented last night: Cabs and Ju.. just dont jibe. There was an incident with a cabdriver months ago. No more cabs for me. Nope. Not anymore.

it was some night.. the good and the bad.

well, at least someone enjoyed his dinner.. so something good came out of it.

sunday afternoon thoughts..

i'm not usually a tidbit-junkie person.
but i just came home with a bagful of tidbits
- a box of oreo
- 2 bars of kit kat chunky
- a packet of cadbury chocolate cookies

went to PP to get a bouquet of flowers for Mum Elsie.
we're having a Mothers' Day dinner today.
but the shop is closed. Sheesh.
zack said his mum wouldnt like flowers.
sigh.. wat do guys know.. *roll eyes*
(they can be so dense at times)
thats what my mum proclaimed too..

but look at her face when my father gave her some flowers (which were bought by me!). It positively glowed. Even til now, my big regret was only getting 3 stalks of flowers. I shouldnt have skimped and gotten her a more lovely bouquet instead. My mum... didnt have many lovely things in her life. What i would have showered on her now.. I miss her...

Of late, i've been on an emotional roller coaster ride.
I get happy, i get upset. All in a split second.
Little things prick me.
I push them aside and try to smile.
But they keep creeping back.
To mar the rainbow i viciously paint.

I was tougher than this.
I never bruise this easily.
I never felt so unsure about myself.
Perhaps i know when it all started.
Irrelevent as it seems.
It might actually be the root.

Maybe i just cant get used to the change.
I expect more. But i receive less.
I need affirmation.
I need the right words.
No one can give me that.

i have to get away..

"you ought to give me wedding rings.."

Just spent a good 2 hours working on the guestlist.. calling up relatives. Everything seems to be coming along well. The Bridal Album.. the wedding invites. And as i sit here, listening to our march-in song.. i started to dream....

....of how that day will unfurl

and i cant help smiling cos what i dreamt... was lovely.. and touching.
Well, it has to be.. if i have a say in it!
It's THE DAY. It's Our Day.
It has to be as perfect as i can make it.
My head is swirling.
I feel like there are dozens of channels in my head.
Shifting from one to another.
Ahhhhh....
How dim should lighting be during march-in?
Amount of dry ice during march-in?
Flowergirl? Ringbearer?
Outfit for flowergirl and matron of honour?
Jo offered to help me with the angpow box.
i'm so touched.. seriously *muaks muaks* :)

I feel the heat.
I feel the excitement!
The wheels are spinning.. in full force now!
woooohoooooo....!

But i'm still on Honeymoon gear!
Taking a little backseat cos i've mostly settled the itinerary.
Unless i got an idea for something new (which happens so very often).
Still religiously doing my daily readings on travel.
Working on this really exhilarating day trip we're gonna make.
When zack saw the spreedsheets i was working on for our honeymoon..
all he said was, "you're amazing.."
Said with fascination or exasperation, that's a question.
ahahahaha!

so now.. i'm working on spreadsheets for our wedding!

So we selected the photos for our bridal album!
2 aching backs.
3 inches thick of photos
4 blurry eyes

we went through the 3-inches thick stack of photos at least 4 times. We were so excited during the first filter, the photos were great! Zack looked really good, smile was natural and he looked real happy. My outdoor shots werent that good, fatigue showed through by then. Our studio shots were nice! That leaves us with a great headache. We hardened our hearts and ended up with 82 photos.. and still we gotta cut down by half. Yvonne was really helpful in giving us pointers.. in choosing the shots, how to arrange them etc. Come second round, enthusiatic wore off a little, especially having an idea of what the topup amount might be. By the third round, we were getting tired and vexed. i like all the shots!

Finally, we got down to 39 shots (and had to forgo some really nice ones) and the topup amount made our hearts cry. However, the amount wasn't for the topup of photos. In fact, we only got 1 extra and thankfully Yvonne didnt charge us for it. Instead of an album influxed with mountainous of shots with matt finishes, we decided to improve the quality of the material used. Got the metallic photo paper with glossy finish. The prints have metallic undertones and a subtle shimmer giving the prints a 3D quality. Once we saw one of those albums, all other albums looked bland as water (however nice the shots are). Not just the shots have to be good; good composition, good lighting, good subjects but what these good shots are printed on is equally important as well. The photo paper has to be able to bring out the beauty of the shot. It has to do them justice. It's like how you wouldnt wanna waste printing good shots on inferior quality paper. It was a tug between quality and quantity. Guess you know which one won. So we chose the cream-of-the-crop shots and did full pages. The result will be outstanding.. hopefully! Sometimes, less is really more *winks* And again, everything comes with a price *sigh*

It took us 3.5hours.. *plop*

I was quiet on the way home.. cos my heart ached so badly.... it still does!

and psyching myself to face zack's grumblings.. the bridal boutique was my call afterall.. so i'm taking the heat.. *sigh*

But God is great! cos zack got good news this morning.. he's getting bonus in May! And a good tidy sum at that! *grins* Isn't God awesome?! It's like he's taking care of us all the way. Before we even ask, He knows our needs and He provides.

Looking back at how far we've come along and what we had achieved without help from anyone. We are not holding sky-high salaried jobs but with enough to make do and enjoy some pretty frills of life. I look back and God's hand in it all is just so evident. We would never have made it without him. "Thank you Lord for your blessings!" i'm grateful.. *smile*

So......

This evening, we'd be collecting our wedding invites! Cant wait to see the final product. Next will come the part i dread most...

grocery shopping for the rich and famous

these must be magic grapes!



so let's see...

69bucks can get me:
- 1 nice piece of Victoria's Secret lingerie
- 23 plates of chicken rice = lunch for a month at work
- 4 pairs of weekday movie tickets + a nachos combo meal
- 5 novels which can last me a good 2 months
- 6 good Thomson prata meals for 2
- 7 bottles of hair mask
- 8 months of brow threading sessions
- 90 chempedak ice-cream

and 10 of these damned watermelons can get me my microwave!

just done with a conference call.
having a horrid headache.
can feel a vein throbbing.
my boss is falling sick.
we wonder why things just dont seem to go right.

so i'm off now for some retail therapy with my darling sister.
and she can talk my head off.. haha.

this also means i wouldnt see zack til tomorrow morning.
last i saw him was when i see him off to work last night :(

"i'm up.. Dunno why i cant sleep much.. Maybe it's because i miss my lao por.. :("
awwwwww.... i miss you too baby..
my hubby sure knows how to sweet talk.
but i like~!

something's in the air...

I just had the most fabulous dinner,
prepared by my darling hubby *smile*


Penne with ham chunks and minced mushroom
But that's not all.
He bought wine!
(he wanted to get me high.. haha)
It's like the first time in history this ever happened.


My sweetheart picked me up from work and cooked me dinner.
Wow... i dunno when this will ever happen again.
So i just have to blog about this!
*muaks* love ya!

...and it must be Love :)

i cant believe it....

Why anyone would book their travel 8 months in advance is beyond me! I went to check on the airtickets.. flight timings and guess what? the lowest class fare seats are snapping up fast! 8 months in advance??!!! whatever are those people thinking of??

Even the rooms of one of the hotels i got my eye on are snapping up fast *wails* No no no.. after tons of research, that's the only hotel i wanna stay at! *cries* the magnificent view at night, oh that magnificant view at night.. *sobs* i see my dreams going up in a smoke........

let a married woman indulge ;)

After a day off at work (for the photoshoot), i got a call from a colleague who heard from my boss that i'm getting married.

James Coventry: i heard you were off yesterday?
Me: Yeah, went for my bridal photoshoot.
James Coventry: So i heard. All of us up here wore black yesterday.
Me: Awwww..
James Coventry: I told Mark Morley about you getting married and he wanted to jump right out of the window!
Me: *laughs* right right..
James Coventry: Well... on one hand, we are happy for you....
Me: But on the other?
James Coventry: Well, let's not talk about it anymore.....
Me: *laughs*

we then went back to talking shop.

All said in jest but hey, it's still flattering! hahahaha. My boss told me he said Zack is one lucky guy! heard that darling? *winks*

"let's look on the bright side of life.."

Just done with our PHOTOSHOOT yesterday.
2 words.
TIRING.
SWEET.
Day started off sucky.
It rained, i had a zit on my chin, the roses i bought for my hand bouquet looked the worse for wear in the morning so i didnt DIY, we couldnt get a cab and rode there instead.. imagine helmet- flatten hair, we were 30mins late, and we arrived there cold and wet. Sigh.
But things looked up as the day went by.
Hard to stay gloomy when you are all made up,
dressed in gorgeous gowns and looking your very best.
And despite thinking its a waste of time,
Zack was a very good sport about it.
So we posed, we kissed, we stared tenderly into each others eyes.
We walked, we pretended to talk (on demand), we flashed megawatt smiles.
One of the places we went was Lower Pierce Reservoir (one of our part tow place).. it was sweetly nostalgic.. and erm.. interesting.
There were hordes of monkeys there.
Everywhere you turn, you'd see a monkey or two.
Guess what? we saw monkeys screwing! LOL.
And boy are they fast, screwing time is like 15secs!
no wonder they populate so quickly.. LOL.
Wish i'd brought Alfie..
Photos out in a weeks time.
Hope the shots will turn out well *fingers crossed*

(Gush Time: Zack looks absolutely dashing in his mandarin collar suit!! He reminds me of Keanu Reeves in Matrix!! All tall and sleek *SLURP*)

Wrapped up at 6.30pm.
So we celebrated a long day of hard work with a good dinner.
TONY ROMAS!
i finally had MY STEAK!
a 10oz ribeye steak should wean me off my craving.
it'd better.. it cost a bomb!

so tell me.

Why is manicure/pedicure considered part of the 'pampering yourself' routine? I personally find it a chore. Sitting there not being able to do anything, and when the color is finally painted, you have to put your hands in this contraption (i use this word for lack of a better one) where cold air blows on it. It's frigging cold its like a torture. Again, you gotta sit there for 15mins, enduring the cold and not being able to move. After its done, you walk ard with your fingers stretched out. You gotta be careful with what you touch, where you placed your hands. Me? I smudged my manicure less than 5 mins after i got home. Sigh. Guess i dun even have to mention how ridiculously priced they are. And why should i pay someone $30 - $60 for something i can do myself. And this $30 - $60 only last for an average of 4 days.

But i'm so glad PS (photoshoot) is over. I'm not as narcisstic as it seems.. hahaha. Spoke with Bernard and Kelvin (the photographers) on photography. Got some pointers from them. How i wish.. how i wish.

PS: a photoshoot sure puts you in a lovey dovey mood.. way after *smile*

ONE DEAD, ONE HURT

A motorist was killed instantly and another injured in a collision between a car and a truck along Changi Coast Road yesterday at about 9.40am.

Both drivers were trapped in their vehicles and Singapore Civil Defence Force officers worked simultaneously to extricate them.

The driver of the car, who was in his 20z, was pronounced dead at the scene by SCDF paramedic.

The other driver, in his 30s, was driving a DHL Global Mail truck. He suffered arm and leg injuries and was taken to Changi General Hospital.

Another of Zack's case.

He msged me yesterday morning about this case where the guy 'collasped' (died) on them. He sounded pretty bummed but there is only so much they could do for him. Young chap, life just snuffed out in a flash. So ppl, please dont live life on the edge. Drive safely.

He discussed this case in detail with me over dinner that night. So while i was trying to swallow my pizza, i had to hear about the deep lacerations, massive head fractures, facial distortion etc. Not the nicest picture in the world. It was horrid. The car was totally smashed in in the front, by a huge DHL track. And the truck was overturned. Impact: Go figure. (Check out today's Home section, front page.)

Well, the pizza did managed to go down (and stay down), albeit not as smoothly as i would like. Being the wife of a paramedic, i've grown to have a pretty tough stomach. Part of our daily routine was talk through our day over dinner, its just so that the life of my paramedic aint that 'appetizing'. I've grown used to hearing about brain grey matter splattered on the floor, how a fall from height (flying without a parachute) case looks like, skulls split open like melons, over a nice dinner of rice/bak kut teh/veg/fried cod fillet....

Having said that, i'm so proud of my paramedic. Not everyone is cut out for the medical line. You have to think on your feet, cool in your head and quick with your hands. It really takes alot out of a person. Emotionally and mentally. Above all, you need to have a good heart. Cos without a kind heart, your passion wouldnt last.. and the job would lose its meaning for you. It stems out from whats within.

Once again, I give thanks to God. For i'm blessed with a kind-hearted husband. He cares and yet his strength shines through. He doesnt do it for the money (though its getting mighty good.. sheesh, we're having a close fight now and he seems to be winning.. dammit!) but bcos he simply enjoys helping people. And with God's favour, he is doing really well in his career. I'm waiting with bated breath for good news in May!

i got a ride home today! yay!!!
muakies to my sweetheart! - who is waiting downstairs for me just as i'm typing this :)
I'm soooo hungry.
I got a shock when i took my weight last night.
45.8kg AFTER dinner!
ahhhhhh.... i need to eat!
i dun intend to be a scarecrow bride.

i've got mail! :)

10 to 7...

...and i've just finished sorting out my next day's work.
What a pile.
Just hope i'd actually work on it tomorrow.
Payroll is done.
Payroll Analyis Report too.
I hate numbers, we are so not good friends.
But they say, keep your enemies close.
I'm starting to talk nonsense.
I just wanna blank my head and stone.
Stoning is good.
Stoning is relaxing.
I'm dreading the long journey back home.

I'm famished.
All i had today was a sandwich.
I need to beef up abit.
I think i'd survive well in wartime.
My stomach is customed to hunger pangs.
Its a pity my current craving is mighty costly.
I WANT BEEF!!!!!!
I want a hearty steak.. thick, tender and juicy...

Aint this pathetic?
I'm sitting in my little office cubicle, at 7.05pm, fantasizing about a fat steak.

i want you.... *sobs*

We went on a shopping spree.. and didnt fork out a single dollar!

$499.80 worth of goodies

1) steam iron
2) shaver
3) toothbrush
4) hairdryer
5) weighing scale

the hairdryer was power! it has a cold boost which you use last so your hair would be all nice and soft. Plus ions (whatever that may be) to protect your hair. I never would have bought a $99 hairdryer if i have to fork out cash. And zack was exclaiming the awesome attributes of the steam iron just now.. haha. But the prettiest buy would be the weighing scale! We had a pleasant surprise when we opened the box.. it was a piece of glass which the digital screen at the top.. you cant tell its a weighing scale. Looks stylish!

TUESDAY: BEN&JERRY'S FREE CONE DAY/GFS DAY!
popped over to suntec during lunch to run an errand and 'lunch' with SY. As it was Ben&Jerry's Free Cone Day, we just had to grab a free cone! Just queuing for it takes up more than half the lunch hour.. it was a mighty good thing my lunch hour(s) are flexible!


just check out the snaking queue.. and its not just this area! its snakes out to the other entrance of Carrefour. Singaporeans sure love their ice-cream, but i reckon is more on the fact that its FREE!

but the choices of ice-cream more than makes up for it!

Take your pick!


STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE RAWKS!!!

later in the evening, caught THE REAPING with Jo and SY!
great show with a twist at the end (kinda expected it though)
Jo and i were hiding behind shawls and whatever we could find..
while SY was shaking her head away.. i was afraid it might drop off!
thanks gals for the company! muaks!

these pretty much sums up my week.
just finished a 2-day course,
though i've more or less learnt 80% of it on the job.
nevertheless, it was still pretty beneficial.

alrighty, i'll take off now and continue with my research!
my head is so overloaded with information
i'm mixing it all up.. haha.
YES! our Honeymoon is so totally confirmed!!!!
postponing it back 3 months later than planned,
which is ideal!!!
i'm so excited about it.
only thing is having to wait out til then.
but its still good cos we'd have more moolah by then,
yeah! plenty plenty more moolah!
and dun have to pinch pennies while we're there.

*skips*

close friends of mine will probably know how passionate i can get about something. How enthusiatic, how excited, how zesty. How i can throw myself wholeheartedly into it. Every now and then you'd prob find me bubbling with excitement over something. Some thing i wanna do.. i wanna learn.. or some thing i wanna get. Below is an excerpt of a conversation some time back with a close friend. It was interesting.

Ju says (2:46 PM):
i should have seen it coming before i even registered for it
Sy says (2:47 PM):
BUT that is the Juliana Huang we all noe!
Ju says (2:47 PM):
i was really excited and enthusiatic about it u noe... rearing to go.. engine all vived up
Sy says (2:48 PM):
always so pasionnate abt the the things she sets her heart and eyes on.........Will get it by hook OR BY CROOK
Sy says (2:48 PM):
despite the whole world holding her back
Ju says (2:48 PM):
impulsive lah
Sy says (2:48 PM):
to summarise.....
Sy says (2:48 PM):
STUBBORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ju says (2:48 PM):
ahahaha.. but apt and succint
Ju says (2:48 PM):
u noe me so well!
Sy says (2:49 PM):
haiz......this part abt you has remain very much the same since 16
(she still remembers how badly i wanted a papillion.. I was poring over dog books on Papillon (breed of my darling Pappe) in the library way back in school.. haha)

So what brought about this chain of thought?

This morning in the train, i was reading up profusely the travel guides on our honeymoon, when i suddenly had a jolt. Why am i doing this?!?! I had a reality check. To begin with, this trip isnt even confirmed! We might not even be going overall. Yet i've thrown myself headlong into this like my life depends on it. You'd be amazed at the extent of my research, its even laughable.

:: check out travel websites
:: call up travel agencies to check on flights
:: borrow books from library
:: stacks of travel mags awaiting my attention
:: talk to fellow travellers / locals on forums
:: do up spreadsheets / charts
:: chart out price comparisons
:: cutting corners to get the cheapest, best deals
:: check on domestic budget flights within countries
:: plan flight schedules
:: source out cheapest flight fares
:: plan out itinenaries
:: read up on tours, places of interest and its locations
:: read up on the hotels provided and its location
:: work on navigation between the cities

and now that i got the overview of the trip planned out.. i'm zooming into the individual cities! I've got 4cm-thick books on each city and i'm gobbling them up. And this morning, i even had the notion to do ala carte, meaning doing away with land tours and finding accomodation on our own. No mean feat, just tons of coordination and more research if its cost effective.

(But note: the trip is NOT confirmed.)

but i'm in way too deep.. i cant help myself. I've had dreams of it.. with the city names flashing rapidly thru my head. Too much reading before sleep is not always good. Perhaps i should take a few steps back. Or perhaps.... hai

and really... i'm such a geek.

I'M EXCITEDLY NERVOUS!!!!

at long last..

POPIAH PARTY @ JO'S

yes i know.. its long overdue.
was waiting for YY to email the pics but she must have forgotten and i'm too lazy to chase. So managed to grab some pics from Jo's blog (as she has finally put them up too) and finally start work on it.

check out our perfectly wrapped popiahs


all the trigger-happy snappers
we all look fatter from this angle somehow

and its only with yr gfs you can thoroughly enjoy a silly CHICK FLICK!
huddled together, we caught 'A Cinderalla Story' on cable.
well, this is something yr guy will never do with you - enthusiatically.
for some reason, Jane was really bothered with Hilary Duff's huge arms.. hahahaha

MUDPIE from ISLAND CREAMERY



sinful but oh so orgasmic
1 slab is enough
anything more would be too gagging

AFTER DINNER ACTIVITY - Coffee @ Airport
and we somewhat witnessed a medical situation

all we saw were paramedics, some body on a stretcher and tons of blood on the floor! so we were speculating what could have happened and none of us wanted to walk over to check it out (like so kaypo lor)

then genius ju decided to call her paramedic.
within 3 mins, we got our answer.
this poor chap's vericose vein erupted and lost 4 litres of blood.
poor guy.. the amount of blood was astounding
but they put him on drip so that managed to sustain him.

catching a movie with zack at Tampines so i had to leave early.
Changi Airport station @ Midnight


i was bored.. (and late)



i wanna try panning with Alfie.
just need to find a good location.

Ju's very own Saturday

i had a very productive saturday. Had a good nights' sleep and didnt rouse til 1pm. The first thing usually done is to find something to eat.. but not this little being. After washing up, the urge engulfed me so i took the broom and got to work.

1) Swept and mopped the floor
2) Did the laundry
3) Tidied the house
4) Watched some Travel&Living
5) Researched more on our HM

6) Enjoyed a msn session with Jo and SY. Now 2 ppl knows where we're planning to honeymoon.. i gotta kewl them now! They gave some pretty good advice.. so yeah, i think i'd stick to SY's suggestion and plan from there.. be adventurous! *winks* i'm speaking greek? sorry, only those involved would understand. heh.

7) Did a hair mask
8) Grocery shopping

if you noticed, i forgot to eat again!! sheesh!

now i'm just waiting for time to pass before i start preparing dinner. Zack wouldnt be home til 9.30pm so i'm only donning my apron at 8.45pm. How i wish i can come home to piping hot dinners too.. i'm so envious of zack *HINT HINT*

Tonight's special: Penne with ham and mushroom, in a nice flavourful carbonara sauce. Drizzled with shredded mozeralla cheese. Coupled with a sidedish of mini cocktails.

Dessert: Chempadek Ice-cream

Oh, like my new avatar? (pic on the sidebar) It was fun creating it. How apt.. from the cameo messenger bag (Alfie's bag).. to the Paris background.. to the little dachshund (not that i'd be carting Chile ard when i travel.. God forbids!).. to my all-time fav silver hoop earrings. Yes.. i was bored.. hahhaha!

i indulge....

on my way in today, i decided to indulge and bought my favourite chai latte from Coffee Bean. Its friday.. so just give myself a pat on the back for a week well survived.. haha.

but this is what life really is...

:: knocked off early from work
:: took a nice leisurely stroll from Havelock Rd to City Hall
:: chill at Funan's TCC
:: nice comfy cushy seats
:: a nice, albeit minute cheesecake and a JB Robb book
:: hubby came to pick you up
:: and foot the bill!

niceeeee *grin*

So we had our final fitting yesterday. My wedding gown bottom was still a little loose and more alteration needs to be done. I cant afford any weight loss! I finally found a dress that fits me (and i begged Yvonne for it cos its not part of my deal).. its a lovely long tier dress and it accentuate my curves *happy* I couldnt get the makeup artist i wanted so had to make do with the one D'sire arranged. I realised you just cant leave it to them, its imperative that you know exactly what you want. Didnt really like the way she did my eyes (from other D'sire brides, she likes blue and its true!) so i had to show her a pic of how i would like my eyes to look like.. the colors etc And she managed it. I always have a mind of what i like and what i want, so i dun reckon i'm a very easily satisfied customer.. i hardly just take what comes but will twist and turn things to my liking.. haha. But hey, its my BIG DAY so its my SAY!

speaking of having a mind of your own..

i realised that i married the male version of me. Probably more tenacious than i am. hahaha. My sweet darling has ideas (note plural) for almost everything! From the shape of our house downlights.. to the color of the toilet floor tiles.. to the definition of the wedding invite pic.. to the exact wordings of our wedding invites! Man oh man. But i must say i'm glad that my man takes on an active role in all our house/wedding preparations. I've heard stories. You should see how proud and excited he was after he did up the wordings on our cards. Its amazing the way a 1.8m tall, macho guy can morphed into a 8 yr old boy. Its damn cute lor. So cute that i forgot that i left the room with fumes going up my head 15mins ago. Why? we were arguing over something as stupid as whether to write in short form or not.. haha.. so fun!. And when he came bouncing into the room 15mins later and cart me off to the com room to show off his poetic capabilities, i was like, "hey! i'm still fuming u noe!" Well, he has a memory span of a fruit fly. *guffaws*

i'm getting pretty excited about our photoshoot, which will be in 2 weeks time! If i'm lucky, i'd be able to get my wedding shoes today. Got some places to check out after work.. wish me luck!

jumping the gun!

i'm reading..
i'm researching..
on our HONEYMOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i've got a wedding to plan first.. but hey, i'm not sweating it out! Everything is under control.. i got my fingers on every pulse.. i noe someone will go.. "yeah right.." No worries, it's all in my head.. and sometimes i do my best work in there *smirk*

so on to something more exciting.
honeymoon whereabout?
*shhhhhhhh*
dun ask.
my lips are zipped.
not gonna jinx it.

and...

i wanna say thanks to my dearies.
you know who you are.
your sweet emails / msgs.
i hold dear to my heart.
*hugs*

touch-me-not

i'm tired.
all i wanna do is burrow in bed
to sleep, to read.
if sleeping is an escape.
if reading is an escape.
then what am i running from?

am i just going thru a rough patch
or have i finally seen my reflection
and something else stares back?

i strive for perfection.
yet i get discouraged easily.
i have a dead weight in my chest this morning.
breathing round it proves difficult.
i'm like a rubber band stretched taut.
i'm prickly as a porcupine.
i'm sensitive as touch-me-not.
i'm hungry but i cant eat.
my shields are up
and i wanna cry.
what's happening to me?

monsters

what are they?
they are your fears.. real and unreal.
they are your stumbling blocks.
sometimes, they look bigger than they really are.
cos you feed them, you give them too much credit.
and sometimes, you get too paralysed by your fear that you just shun them
you hide away and pretend they dun exist.
sadly, they do and will continue to haunt you
but you'd be surprised that when you finally do face them,
they really aint that daunting afterall.

sometimes they bite.
and it hurts.
but you learn.
that you cant escape.
sometimes, you just have to fight your monsters.
no one is gonna do it for you.

if you're lucky, you would have nice ppl who will fight alongside with you.
but more often than not, you're on your own.
but that's where you learn.
to be strong.
to be brave.
cos when the going gets tough,
the tough gets going.

and as you grow up,
more monsters await you.
sometimes they are imaginary.
sometimes they are real as the person next to you.
question is: do you fight the fight?

why cant i just have it for one day?
complete peace.
complete happiness.
it has to be marred.
nothing i do is ever enough.
it seems like i'm never good enough.
every small things i do get bypass.
no one really sees what is
but wats not.
i'm sick and tired of it.

i need a run.
i need to clear my head.

almost 5 in the morning
and i'm all revved!
just got back from supper at Thomson Prata.
whiled the night away at Chris's with Des and Chris.
it was a night of booze, cards, soccer matches and MTVs.
my darling's poor hookah only received 5 puffs.
(its ok my love.. hug hug)
i still prefer Heineken to Stella Artois
not that i like beer.
have not acquired a taste for it.
if i ever will.

more to blog (popiah party at Jo's) but not now.
gotta go work on the pic for our wedding invite.
yeah, we've picked out our invitation card!
definitely not the traditional cream or red for us.
no one can accuse us of following the mainstream.
we are such rebels!
we are such.... trendsetters! *buffs*

run or i'll show my fangs

so i was having a nice restful sleep when i received a call. It was a response to my ad on a sale of a VS babydoll lingerie. So the guy was asking about the cup size, how it looks etc. Then he started asking if the nipples can be seen thru the cups, and if the pubic hair can been seen thru the g-string which i tot was a little strange. He wanted to buy it so we were arranging to meet.. when the conversation started to get even more strange..

"have you worn it before?"
"of crse not! its brand new, still unopen in the polybag"
"when can you wear it for me?"
"excuse me, are u trying to be funny?" (i tot i heard wrong in my groggy state of mind)
"have you had sex in it before?"
"what are you talking about?!"
"well, i would need to test it on you first."
"this is a proper business transaction and you are just tryin to be funny. If you ever do call me again, i'm gonna call the police and track you down!"
SICK PERVERT!!!
*slam down the phone*

Blardee cow! ruined my sleep... and now i'm awake. great.

i want the light at the other end of the tunnel

i've officially spent more than an hour on the phone since...... jeez.. i cant remember.. since eons.

I feel like i just had a wake-up call from God. I need Him in my life.. badly. I'm exhausted.. i'm all drained. I've nothing left to give. I've been crying inside for a long time, i just didnt know. I want that deep-in-the-gut happiness back. I want it all back.

and tonight.. is the night i mourn for a loss. I've always been a sentimental fool.. and deep down, my friends (no matter how horrid they are) matter to me. The years of friendship counts. But tonight, i had an awakening. Tomorrow, it'll be over.. so over. adieu~

i'm tired.. i'm so frigging tired.
the part i dread most is here.
its time to face my monsters.
pls dun ask me what it is.
once its over, i dun ever wanna talk about it..
to anyone.

so help me God..

the wheels are spinning..

this is probably the first time ever..
we nua-ed the whole weekend away.
AWESOME!
we slept and we slept and we slept somemore.

Only time we stepped outta the house was to go to Hougang Mall for a nice (albeit ex) jap dinner. Then to zack's parent's for some chit chatting. They just came back from a nice beach holiday on some isle in Msia. Now i know where zack got his wanderlust from. haha. I wonder where i got mine from. Then went home for a DVD marathon.. way way into the night. Nice....

so the wedding wheels started spinning.
worked on our guestlist.. sheesh. i abhore this part!
Guess what? we're getting videographers!
thanks to Mark, we dun have to pay thru our nose for it :D
*big hugs to Marky!*
zack is prob the first groom-to-be i noe who is so 'on' bout the wedding.. haha
instead of the bride pushing the groom to get work done,
my groom is the one holding the checklist and ticking them.. haha.
he told me not to worry, all i gotta do on that day is sit back and relax.
He got the program for that night all planned out.. imagine that!
i think he is up to something that night.
he refuses to tell me wat and said its between him and the host.
hmmmmm......?

once read this quote on Des's blog:
"most procrastinators put off work; not because they are lazy, but they lack confidence"
yup, i agree on that totally too.
i'm the classic example.