It's said that anger is a second emotion...

So there, I'm utterly hurt and royally pissed!!!

*ROAR*


Don't ask.

So long blogspot~

This blog is gonna move.
I have reached the storage quota so am unable to post any pics.
What's a blog without photos?!
So yes, setting up a blog at wordpress.
2 in fact cos Megan's blog is moving as well.

My presents from Hong Kong: 3 and counting!

Zack bought me another present today! *beams*
and he is not telling me what any of them are!
Chatting with my hubby now...
Hoping a week will pass quickly..... :(

Girls Night In!

Chillout room ready.. candles, cushions, VS magazine, sour cream ruffles, lychee and... vodka!!!

Jo is buying dinner! Stingray, chicken wings, hokkien mee, carrot....!

Waiting for the 4 gals to arrive. Quick come quick!!!

When the hubby is away, the gals come to play ;)


*Zack sent me an incredibly sweet sms. I miss you too baby... :(
1 week more to go... *sigh*

What can it be???

Zack bought me another present today!!
These are the clues for Present no.1:

1) I can use it
2) I can hold it in my hand
3) It's practical
4) I can put it in a bag

He refuses to give me any clues for present no. 2.


"why am i buying more things for you then for me??!!!!"

*giggles*

Will I find liberation?

The days are harder to past. And this afternoon is gonna be the toughest. Praying for courage. And I ask, "Why am i afraid?", "Why do I let those people have a hold over me?" Then I asked myself, "Why am I doing this when Im losing hope?" *needs peace*

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:)

"I bought something for you! Hehe... many more to come k? Muaks! I'm back at e quarters... Coming online after my shower ard 11pm?"

TODAY..... is unbearably slow.
Time seems to CRAAAAWWWWL by.
No good shows on TV.. nothing. Zilch.
I don't know why we pay cable for.. seriously!
So its just work, play, cook, feed, bath, nap-work, play, cook, feed, bath... sleep.
Oh, I went to the office to collect mail.
Brought Megan along so it's a round trip.
Thank goodness for my sis - she popped over for abit!
Helped me feed Zack's fishes.. haha.
At least there is someone (who answers back, not blabbers back) I can talk to!

Zack called me when he was back at the quarters.
Telling me he is done for work and waiting for a hkg officer to come take them around.
They are going to the Ladies Market tonight.

I'm touched and pleased that he'll call and sms me regularly.
Morning, after work and before heading off to dinner and at night
I told him not to, just msg me when he is back at the quarters.
But he still do :)
I feel like I'm somewhat with him, knowing his whereabouts roughly.
It makes dealing with his absence easier.
It's a habit we formed right from the start.
Started when he started riding.
I make sure he tells me when he arrives his destination.
So i'll know that he is safe and sound.
Yes.. i'm paranoid.
So Zack has cultivated this very good habit ;)

This weekend will be packed for me.
Starting friday... cos the gals are coming!!!
The minute YY heard Zack is away for 2 weeks,
she immediately suggested a meetup at my place.. haha
So everyone can make it save for Sy :(
At least there's something to look forward it.
Just let me live through tomorrow.
I'm really not looking forward to what I have to face tomorrow.
I'm praying for wisdom and courage.

oh and did I mention TWO nights of uninterrupted sleep?? :)
My little darling is finally back in form!
I better go upload some pics I took today and post on her blog.
I've not posted for a few days and Mama Nancy is gonna nag!!

Zack went to Temple Street and bought Megan a cheongsam. Said he is going to buy me a matching one! Eh.... okaaaaaay.

Both my babies are in dreamland now. I fell asleep while waiting for Zack to come online. Then Megan woke up fussing. Had to cuddle her and coax her back to sleep - her gums are swollen so they are bothering her alot. Place her back into her cot and Zack came online. Chat for a little while. Spoke earlier on the phone but got cut off cos he ran out of credit! We are trying Skype tomorrow.. bound to be cheaper.

Told me about his day. He visited a hospital atop a hill. On the slopes of the hill is a cemetary. How conveniant eh. He had zichar for dinner AND HAD GONGCHA!!! Told him he'd better bring a cup back for me! I packed ziplock bags in his luggage :P

1:15am
Time to hit the sack.
Praying Megan will sleep through the night.
And Pap will eat her dinner!
That gal didn't eat the entire day... *sigh*
She is the top supermodel of dogs.


niteesss...
sweetdreams...

strolling along Portobello... when Zack saw this pendant, turned to me and said, "You like this? I buy for you?" :) Said the minute he saw it, he just wanted to get it for me. Said the cheesiest thing but it made me laugh... and glow all the way to my toes! *beams*

Moments like this... priceless :)

Well... needless to say, that's my prized possession. I've been carrying it everywhere I go! I need no tiffany. Just a little something from the heart :)

Missing my baby.... :(

He is in Hong Kong now and will be there the next 2 weeks.
2 weeks!! That's TOOOO long :(

But we are transitioning well cos since he touched down at 3pm, he had already called me 3 times, sent me smses and we are chatting online now :)

Said his colleagues asked him why he kept calling me.
"i tell them i miss you lor... hehe"
awwww..... :)
and they asked him to stop asking them where to find KS.. hehe
cos I asked him to get me something there.
*grins*

Zack really surprises me sometimes.
He really misses me!
The past few days he has been incredibly sweet.
Wanting to spend time alone with me..
Even turning his friends down to have dinner!
Megan was a good gal and slept thru last night.
(little girl fusses at night now - teething.. poor girl)
So we had the whole night to ourselves.
Even in the morning, he pulled me back for another long cuddle :)
Hugged me tight and told me how much he's gonna miss me.
Told him to stop saying that cos everytime he says it, i'd tear!
and forbid him to say it at the airport..
I'm not about to bawl like a baby at the departure hall.
Of crse with a hubby whose life purpose is to tease his wife,
He said he IS going to say it at the airport and watch my waterworks come in full force.

Waiting for Zack to be done with his shower.
In fact, it's a good thing i'm used to his shift schedule
so being hubby-less at night is nothing new to me.
but 2 weeks???
:(

"Lord, thank you for giving Zack this opportunity to go to Hong Kong. To learn and experience the culture. Give him a good learning experience. Please bless him with good health (no birdflu!), keep him safe from any harm and danger and bring him safely home to me. In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN."

Am sad.... :(

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Completely bummed..

Im missing the most important part of ben and val's wedding. It sucks. 3 weeks ago edu chair told me there will be an event today.. Dammit!! I cant say 'no' cos every event needs an organiser and there's only me. Many people hve asked me if its all worth it, health, stress.. And now this. Ben is one of my closest friend, my childhood friend. We were buds since 11years old. This really sucks.

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In the cinema...

...with My gongcha milk melon tea, waiting for Harry Potter to start! :)

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Finally...

...photos are up on FB!

Grandma was asking me when will I be posting them so yes, it's done.

Sorry I can't do a trip report this time round cos with only 2MB left, I probably can't even upload 5pics! So will be posting to link to the FB album. *Note: Set privacy level

So yes... job done.

Managed to cram into 1 album (200 pics) for every city.

No mean feat when I took 600+ pics in Madrid, 700+ in London!

Surprisingly the pics werent as half bad as I thought they will be, considering everything was done in a flurry.. many point+sho0t shots. No time to slowly create nice pics. I NEED to go on a photography trip!!!

Anyway.. no time.
Gotta cook Megan's dinner,
make some calls, emails for my event on Sat..
then it's..... OFF TO IKEA!

but first.. Zacky gotta come home from car servicing.. ha!

so pretty.... I WANT!

"Always remember that you can never find a perfect partner, to love you the way you wanted.

Only a person who's willing to love you more than what you are, someone who'll accept you for what you can and for what you can't be.

And that's even better than perfect."

5:48

Keeping such weird hours... Tsk tsk

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2:15am...

and my Megan is reading - more like flipping her book *sigh*

why why... why did I have to switch on the fan?!!! *bang head*

she was asleep by 9pm.. back to her normal timing.

tsk tsk...

Anyhow, the cutest thing happened this evening.

After dinner, Zack and I were (on our feet) hugging while chatting. A couple of smooches. Then we felt a little dwarf beside us, looked down and there was Megan standing next to us, staring up at us. She reached up and took Zack's hand (which was on my hips)! I reached down and she took my hand as well. (Mind you, Megan is at a stage where she doesn't like having her hands held - very independent and wants her freedom.) So we pretended to ignore her and continued smooching, just to see her reaction. She then hugged our legs and take Zack's hand again! HAHAHHAHA! Heart warming I tell you.. :)

Before dinner while saying grace, Megan gets very excited when we all hold hands in a circle and say grace.. and at the end of the prayer, Zack and I goes, "AMEN!" She loves it! :)

It is very interesting watching Megan's character development. When she is slightly younger (12-15 months), she just learnt to walk and was really gungho. "Don't hold my hand! I wanna walk on my own." Fiercely independent, a tad reckless. Go about her daily routine of home arrangement, chasing Pappe with a mindful focus, just a watchful eye on mummy.

Since she turned 15 months, things have changed slightly. She is more clingy (not sure if the trip to Europe played a part), realises that mummy & daddy are VIPs - mummy especially! :P. She follows me more closely at home as well. When she's scared, she'll run to me. More so when she's upset. Only mummy can soothe her when she fusses at night. It's like magic. Just a couple of days back, Megan was upset about something and she held up her arms for me to carry her. Zack wanted to carry her but she turned away from him. Awww... daddy was hurt :( Told him he gotta bathe and diaper change her more to win her favour. He actually paid more attention to her.. haha So yeah, Megan now likes being in the action, being involved with us. Loves our attention, our approval. Alot more aware of her surroundings and more cautious as well. Doesn't run amok like a kampong chicken the minute her feet touches the ground now (not as much). And definitely more affectionate :) She'll come hug us, lean against us, kiss us. One I love most is when I am sitting/squatting on the floor and she'll come hug my back and hold onto me. Melts your heart.... :)

Gosh.. its past 3am.. and i am hungry :(
nothing to eat at home.
feeling like a peanut butter sandwich..

FINALLY....

...I had a good night of uninterrupted sleep last night!

Since we came back (in fact it started in Madrid our last stop), Megan has been waking 1-2 times during the nights. Wouldnt go back to sleep til I cuddle her. By morning, I was dead tired and body aching from sleeping on the couch in Megan's room. While that little queen can sleep in, mummy has to be up at 9am to work! So last night was a good respite.

We went to JB today!

Zack called me at 11:30am on his way home from meeting, telling me Chris wanna go JB. Asked me if I wanna go. I made some calls, reshuffle my appointment (site recee), prepare Megan's lunch, prepare. We were out of the house by 1:15pm. Went to The Pines for my site recee first. Then to Chris's place and together off we go to JB.

We forgot THE MOST important thing - Megan's stroller! It was left in our car boot. Arrrgghhhhh! Had no choice but to get a cheap one from Toys'r'us for $50. It's pretty, pink with butterflies, but my heart aches at the unneccesary expense *sigh* When your toddler is as heavy and active as Megan, a stroller is the only thing that keeps your sanity.

Stock up on grocery, had a Secret Recipe meal (a must whenever we go Msia), did some window shopping, Zack bought some games (He's playing his xbox now that's why I am blogging now!). Short trip this time round. Still good to get outta the country.

Gosh there is just so much to do around here. Clean the toilets, tidy the house. I still havent polish my boots and pack them away :( House is getting messy *sigh* That little queen is NOT helping either - taking something and putting it elsewhere. I have to cram my work during the 2-3hours Megan naps for. She don't sleep til 10pm these days (still tweaking her routine). How to get my work done like this? Must lest housework! *sigh* Sometimes I wish there are 2 of me..

Oh something incredibly hilarious happened tonight. We came home and I quickly changed Megan's diaper as she pooped on the way home. As I am about to give her a bath, I didnt diaper her. So I left her running amok the house in her birthday suit. She looks awfully cute and both Zack and I were laughing at her. Talking about how we should take a vid of her and show her when she's older. I was readying her bath, getting her pjs ready. Megan was playing with her kitchen playset (Aunty SY bought her!) in the living room. I came out to get her and saw her running towards me. A suspicious 'something' was lying infront of her kitchen playset. I looked closely and saw a lump of poop! and more tracks of it on the floor nearby. Looked at Pappe and she was sitting nearby looking nonchalent. Then I checked that little imp's butt. Sure enough, she was the culprit, fleeing from the scene of crime! My oh my!

Zack bellowed, "Megan! You are supposed to bake in the oven (kitchen playset has an oven.. haha), not outside the oven!" *LOL* Chris and Elynne came shortly after and had a good laugh as well... hahaha.

Well oh well.... you can never say life with a toddler is boring!

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Sunday..

And my heart feels heavy already *sigh* Megan woke at 3am and didnt sleep til 7am! She is still in bed now.. Wake her or not wake her?

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SY came to visit this afternoon! :)

Megan got a new kitchen playset
I got a pot of sweet smelling moisturiser from Loccitaine
and one of my fav chocolate cake from Four Leaves :)
Aint she's the sweetest!
Short afternoon chat.. catching up, tons of that to do!
We have to do a proper long one soon!
Haven't met the gals in ages.

Went to see mummy's grave in the evening.
New carpet grass, all looking good.
Arranged maintenance for the next year.

Then Zack and Andrew brought us to this duck rice stall at Clementi.
Purported to serve EXCELLENT duck rice.
And my.. it was true.
Meat is tender.
Side dishes like toufu and veg were really good.
But a tad pricey. Zack packed a packet back and it was $5.. ouch!

Megan's jetlag is easing off.
Had a tough time with her bedtime the past week.
Refused to sleep til past midnight (how is mummy to work like this??)
Worse part: Sha has to sleep ON ME. Screams bloody murder if I put her in her cot.
Now she is sleeping at 10:30pm.. good improvement.
I shall tweak it earlier tomorrow by 30mins.
And she eases herself to sleep!

and did I mention...

...happiness these days are short-lived and fleeting. How fucking true.

An afternoon breather..

Off to catch a movie with Zack. SO need the breather. Imagine my surprise when he suggested it! like he read my mind! And im carrying my brand new pretty bag zack bought me in Spain.. The scent of new italian leather.. Now this perks me up..

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Restless nights are back...

Been having intense feelings of late. Past few mths to be exact. And those feelings are mostly bad. Dark thoughts fill me so much it frightens me. Really dark ones. Im exhausted from the emotional roller coaster ride. I cant hold on much longer. The hard part was the lack of understanding. I need some time-out but you dont care. Happiness seems short-lived and fleeting. Im so tired sometimes i feel like giving it up and running away. Im no superwoman and I hate you for thinking that. Maybe i'm not a person to you. Just a means to an end. 5am: with tears streaming down my cheeks.. I think i'm losing it. I'm afraid i may have gotten to a point I have not gone before. And perhaps the damage is revocable.

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