should i.. should i....

.....buy that bag????

1am...

why am i feeling kinda down?

cant pinpoint why and what.
all jumbled up inside.
not feeling too sleepy as yet.
many things on my mind.
so many things that worry me.
one of them.. Pappe didnt eat all day *sigh*
had to force some booster vits down her throat.
look at Megan and wonder am i doing enough for her.
somehow i dont think i am.
with all the reading i had done..
i tot i know what i'm doing.
but i've failed her in so many ways.
i can't even bfeed her exclusively.
what right have i to be proud of?

i look at myself.
flighty ju.. flighty ju.
tried my hands at many.
yet nothing to my name.
will i be asking myself the same ole question 10 years later?
why do i feel like my life is over when it has only just started?


and suddenly, i feel so tired....

Megan's 1st present from Mummy and Daddy...

....a pretty pink luggage!



the matt pink.. simply sweeeeeet~


complete with matching Victoria's Secret luggage tag ;P


mummy has a matching one too!




Megan sure loves her new present.. hahaha
love this pic!




Megan....the budding globe trekker!

Megan recognises mummy!!!

i can't begin to say what a wonderful feeling it is.... when your baby grins widely, makes all sorts of ahhh and cooos.. and lungs forward towards you after not seeing you the whole day *glows*

Megan spent sunday at Grand's. Zack and i managed to get some good afternoon nap and went to Ikea for dinner. It was 7pm when we went to pick her up. She was up and grandma and her were watching tv. When she saw us, she got really happy and active. Couldnt wait to hold her in my arms.. grandma wasnt ready to relinquish her little darling yet.. hahaha. I was talking to her and she was grinning away at me.. she 'talked' to me almost like chiding us for leaving her.. haha. She got really noisy, making her favourite ahhhs and gaahhhs and pumping her legs and flagging her arms towards me. It was so cute! Grandma said she didnt make this much noise the whole day.

Megan may not look like mummy, but I say i'm Megan's favourite person! She saves me her brightest grins :)

Oh and yesterday.....

I was folding the laundry on the sofa and Megan was in her gym just infront of me, at my feet. She was awake and just looking around. I glanced at her and found her staring at me.. and she broke into a grin when i looked over at her. I did it a few times.. looking away and continue with my stuff, then look back at her. And she breaks into a grin every time my attention turned on her. My baby... i so love her to bits!!!

To think i was worried when i was expecting her, that she will be a sulky baby. I saw some sulky babies. Megan is turning out to be a very smiley and happy baby :) I must be doing something right, right? :)

*sniff...*

Feels like i'm missing something when i didnt wash Megan up and tuck her into bed tonight :(

Somehow i caught a cold and was sneezing away in the afternoon. We went to collect our passports (mine and Megan's) and headed to Mustafa. By the time we got home, i started getting the cold sweat and chills, not to mention a sore nose from all the rubbing. I knocked out on the sofa and Zack took over....

I only got up at 10.20pm! And Megan was tucked in bed and sound asleep. She was cranky from being overly tired.. didnt get her naps today. I actually fell asleep in the midst of her wailing while Zack was washing her up!

Hoping some more sleep will put me right back. Can't afford to fall sick. Though i'm surprised i have not fallen ill once since Megan is out.. with all the lack of sleep. When i dun get my sleep.. i usually am prime for a system shut-down. 4 months and still hanging there....

Hitting the sack now.
Stay tune for Megan's first present from mummy and daddy :)

Can't believe Megan did not fuss one bit the entire day! Just that tiny bit after her bath and i managed to calm her down quickly. She was all smiles and a chatterbox.. haha. Whenever i talk or sing to her, she'll give me one of her gummy grins and sometimes 'talk' back to me. Megan is really a very smiley baby :) Had a few good naps too. She loves her play/exercise gym and can stay in it for long periods.. looking at the butterflies, lil monkey, holding the rattles... then fall fast asleep after awhile. Her tummy time on it is also improving. Guess all the bright colors and toys entertains her. I'm happy we bought her the gym.. i say it's money well spent!

*pics and video coming soon!*
(they are all on Zack's laptop and he brought it to work)

She's gorgeous... so gorgeous.
and she's all mine!!!
still cant believe she came from me :)

going to have a early night..
i'm totally beat.
gonna go pump then hit the sack.
Megan's sleeping with mummy tonight! :)

Victoria's Secret Shopping Spree!!!

My Christmas present: VS Shopping Spree!
Zack gave me a budget of US100 (excluding shipping)!

*skips*grins*dance*

Early start today...

woke up at 6am and realised that Megan didnt wake the entire night! I hurridly went to check on her and found her beginning to rouse. 9-10hours of sleep?! While its great, i'm worried she will knock out from lack of sugar.. haha. Fed her and by the time i'm done, the sun is streaming through the blinds. I know i couldnt get back to sleep so here i am. Early start today..

Taking a few minutes here before i go get the hsechores done. Gosh... it's like a never-ending task. Make that task(S)! I noticed that as i become a SAHM, i'm beginning to get really fussy about the house. I try to keep it as neat and clean as possible. While it's inevitable that things get out of place - 2 not-very-neat people, a baby with increasing number of gadgets, and a dog who cant keep her fur to herself - it tends to irk me more now.

on a positive note...

i'm very good at speedchoring! I can now get the house mostly clean and tidy before Frankie says relax.. haha!

Ok.. i shant waste time here. I got a kitchen to clean (Zack used it last night!) and hopefully able to clean the toilets before Megan wakes. I got maybe.... until 9am? Once the house is clean and somewhat neat.. i can surf the net and read my travel books whenever Megan naps :)

Have a good Thursday dears~
let's pray the weather is good today!
by good i mean... rainy!
nice and cosy while we're indoors ;)


*poooof*

now it's my turn to relax...

.....while my darling Zack cooks me dinner :)
said he'll cook me dinner cos he appreciates me.. awww.....
he's now working hard at the stove.
i'm sure dinner will be awesome... cos it's cooked with Love! :P

Dinner is ready!

Piping hot on the stove....

Seafood (prawn and fresh scallops) Aglio Olio
i must sat it tastes pretty good :)
just waiting for Zack to come home from work.
he is covering his colleague til 10.30pm.
my poor darling must be starving.

he has worked 5 day-shifts with only 1 off day.
13 hours straight * 5
go figure.
i'm beat too... cos when Zack works, i will do the night feed.
this means i havent had much good sleep in days...
but thank God Megan's sleeping hours at night had been great.
last night, she slept from 8.30pm - 3.45am - that's more than 6hours.
mother's instinct is really cool!
many times i will just wake up to check on her,
only to find that she was just beginning to rouse.
But on the other hand, i dont ever sleep well nor deeply.
it's like on a 24/7 standby mode..

think i'll go take a nap while waiting for Zack..


*snooooooze*

Megan and half of mummy

lomo by fu

Travel & Living: Passport to Europe with Samantha Brown

What are the odds that today's episode is where we'll be visiting next year! Of crse i MUST tune in, even if i got to miss my Growing Up (ogling at Steven Lim). The more i research, the more excited i get. The buildings... architecture... one word: STUNNING! I was telling Zack about my finds during dinner just now and he was only half listening to me.. he was smiling at me.. said he could see the glitter in my eyes.. hehe. It's funny how i've never been interested in this place. Zack has always wanted to go and he turns 30 next year. So i thought it'll be a great present to him (well it's THE big three zero ;)). Now i'm thoroughly hooked!

*dreamy*
can't wait for 11 months to speed by.
oh yes... airtickets are booked!!!
i got about a year to arrange the other logistics..

carefully selecting the hotels, planning the itinerary, finding cheap domestic flights between the cities. This is such fun!!!

alrighty i'm going to read my travel guides for abit then hit the sack.

jeez... i really should be doing the bible study guides Mum Elsie gave me *bashful*

I wanna get this for Megan!!

Fair Isle Sweater Coat by Gap
isnt this just lovely?!
but it's too soon to be ordering outercoats..
she'll be 15months then...
(that's 11 months to go!)
but.. i can buy size 12-18 mths right? :P


did i mention it's on sale ;)



Megan needs a jacket like this too..
this gal is so adorable.. i just have to snap a pic of her (in Venice)
gonna ask Rachel if she can knit a beanie like this for Megan
she is knitting a beret for her now!

half done, it's the sweetest thing ever!
lovingly knitted.. stitch by stitch.. pearl by pearl by her aunty.
Megan has such a doting Aunty :)

the gang came to play!

Zack just sent Marky, Fu and Des home.
they came over for dinner and shisha :)
was supposed to meet them at taokee for dinner
but cos Megan has to be in bed by 8pm, they hang out at our home.
dun wanna mess up her bedtime schedule..
the past week had a few disruptions and it got abit out of whack.

and i gotta GOOD massage!
many many thanks to Marky :D
carrying a 7kg sumo all day everyday took its toll!

the Godpas managed to spend some time with their God-daughter. I'm surprised they are so taken in with her :) You know.. usually guys are more clueless about babies :P Marky asked after her almost everytime we chat online and always ask for pics of her. Fu took a nice shot of Megan and i! Will scan and post it. I guess as a parent... anyone who dotes on your child is an awesome friend :)

it's 5mins to 2am.
Megan should be up soon for her night feed.

TODAY.......

Megan spent afternoon at Grand's. Zack said he wanted to spend some time alone with me... awww.... so sweet :) so we did some part towing :)

:: nice jap lunch
:: shopping! - i bought 3 tops, 2 necklaces
:: short nap in the afternoon
:: went to library and borrowed 4 travel guide books!


i'm actually pretty beat now.
should i go to bed?
or wait for Megan to wake?

no time no time......

i've been on ebay buying stuff!
not for myself but my darling sis..
got her a Coach wristlet for Christmas :)
and a Coach Hampton for her from her hubby..
so fun to buy stuff using someone else's dough ;)
wait a minute... seems like i've been buying presents for others... and nothing for myself! hmmm.....

and and.....

busy doing up a draft itinerary for a GOOOOD trip next year!
going to book the tickets soon so have to make sure on the dates.
how long in each cities???!!

aaahhhh.. the dilemma......

this trip is Zack's 30th bday present :)
and he LOVES it.
he'd better!
now tell me.... why do i dote on him so much???
ah yes.. cos he bought me haagan daz yesterday! :P

ok gotta go do more research before my princess wakes!

shopping list:

- toilet rolls
- sofix laminate detergent
- laundry detergent
- a loaf of bread
- peanut butter
- guava
- eggs

Hitting the sack now.
it's been a long day..
and my left arm is aching from carrying Megan..
our little sumo is 7kg now!!!
my sister spent the day with us today
it was heartwarming :)
Zack went fishing with uncle Freddy..
finally after 4 months!
encouraged him to go fish but he always ended up staying home with Megan and i
he really is a terrific daddy and hubby :)

Yesterday i had a 2-hr nap in the afternoon.
hadnt had this luxury in months!
Zack said he'd feed Megan so i went to the room and promptly dropped dead on the bed. Thought he'd come wake me, instead he switched on the fan, drew the blinds and set the alarm for a 2-hr nap for me :) I intended to just nap for 30mins. That 2 hrs did wonders :)

Tomorrow is Monday.
and no monday blues for me!!!
but i got my days full with Megan.. haha.
i gotta go sleep and gear up for tomorrow.
probably 3 hours to her next feed.
Zack is working tonight so i gotta do the night feed..
*yawns*

nitesssss....

J: Do you miss my pre-pregnancy figure?
Z: Noo.
J: Why not? it's so much nicer...
Z: I love the woman, not the figure.
J: *awwww* :)

no expectations.. no disappointments

Statement: People are selfish beings.
it's an innate flaw.

Today i caught 'The Beach' on tv..
and a particular part of the movie disturbed me.
it was when 3 guys were attacked by sharks.
2 died and 1 survived with part of his leg torn apart.
the surviving man was in great pain and moaning.
it was affecting everyone and they decided to put him in the jungle..
far away from everyone.
so they wouldnt be faced with his cries of pain..
and they can continue with their merry-making.
only 1 guy stayed with him to care for him.

It's appalling.

Can't help feeling disturbed and sad.
how selfish can men be.


I wonder should i ever be in need..
which of my friends will be there for me..
supporting me, comforting me.
even if it inconvenience them.
especially if it inconvenience them.

Since Megan was born, i discovered a set of people who unexpectedly were very supportive.

When i was feeling depressed and having some baby blues in the first 2 months, Ben & Val came by a few times to cheer me up, despite their heavy schedule.

My aunty had been coming to cook for me and teaching me how to care for Megan.

My cousins whom i had not been close to will drop me msgs to check on things and when Megan was sick, showed such great concern.

Fu who came to visit Megan the minute he heard she was hospitalised. Yy who msged to let me know she is there for me and Sy who checked that Megan is fine.

As what Ben said...
it's the little things that count.
a simple act of love, concern and thoughtfulness
that's all it takes.
and it goes a long way...

Friends...

you dun need alot of them.

just that handful who loves you.

that's enough.

(like choosing my favorite chocolate chip cookies at Subway instead of your macadamia cookies)

mummy's midnight surprise!

Just woke up to check on Megan and guess what i saw??
Megan sucking her thumb!
just her thumb, not the fist sucking she had been engaging..
not a good habit but she looks sooooooo cute!


Megan enjoying logan the lion.. blessed by Godpa Ben and Aunty Val :)


"Hi, my name is Megan... my mummy and daddy calls me pui pui.."


"arrgggghhh....tummy time is so not fun... let me lift my head for a second just to make mummy happy... then i'll start crying so she'll put me back on my back.."